Saturday, November 29, 2008
I don't know what's wrong. I am just not able to do today's exercise. It has nothing to do with the exercise, it's my mood. I feel so... empty. I'm looking at things but not really seeing them. I'm not really feeling anything. It's weird.
I want to open my heart of light and let it radiate out. I've done it before. When I do Free Hugs that is what it is like. I'm opening my heart and giving everyone warmth. Why can't I feel that way today? I keep closing my eyes and shaking my head hoping the empty feeling will just go away. It's still here, though. I think I need to revisit today's task at a later day.
What I find oddest is that I know what I should be feeling. Right now I should be feeling excited and happy. We went to Keene and I got an amazing book that I think is going to be just as helpful as Soul Coaching. It's called Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith. I should want to go and start on it right away. I sort of do, but at the same time I know I won't get much enjoyment out of it in my current mood.
I do want to thank everyone I have met this month! I have loved reading all your posts and learning more about myself by working with you. I am going to miss Soul Coaching. It's been one fun month. Our journies are just beginning, though! We will continue on them to grow and learn more and more. I wish I could reach through and hug everyone. I wish I could do more than just say thank you. Thank you to everyone! But a very, very, big thank you to Jamie! If you hadn't started The Next Chapter I would not have bought Soul Coaching or met everyone I have through it.
I won't say I'll miss you all, because that would mean we were saying good bye! We still have our blogs, and we will still be in touch. It feels like the end of a book because technically it is, but we have plenty more books. =) Good luck to everyone.
Friday, November 28, 2008
This has been amazing! I am attending college at New England Culinary Institute. I am here to learn restaurant management, but I am also attending classes where I am learning to cook. I am eating delicious healthy meals and taking yoga classes at the fitness center. I have great friends here. I graduated from high school in the top 10 of my class and most of my college tuition was paid for with scholarships.
I am getting good grades. I'm learning a lot, getting a diploma, making connections, and earning money all at the same time. I know that I made the right choice by coming here. I am happy.
This is all possible! This is where I will be next year! I can't wait. I'm taking action to make this happen. I am going to finish writing a draft of one of the scholarship essays right now. I'm thinking the way I would be thinking if I were really at NECI right now. I am being happy.
1 Package (2 2/3 cups in this case) sweetened coconut
1/3 Cup sugar
3 Tablespoons flour
1/8 Teaspoon salt
2 Egg Whites
½ Teaspoon almond extract
Mix coconut, sugar, flour, and salt in a large bowl. Stir in egg whites and almond extract until well blended. Drop by tablespoonfuls onto greased and floured cookie sheets. Bake at 325F for 20 minutes or until edges of cookies are golden brown. Immediately remove from cookie sheets onto wire racks. Makes about 1 ½ dozen.
For chocolate dipped macaroons-
Prepare and bake cookies as directed and melt chocolate as directed on package. Dip cookies halfway into chocolate, place on cookie sheets covered with wax paper, and cool in refrigerator until chocolate is firm.
And if anyone's feeling guilty about all that food they ate yesterday, or about the leftovers they're eating today, check out this Oh My Gods! comic.
As for the full moon in December, Suzie is reminding us all to work on dreamboards! This time it will be dreams we would like to come true for others. I'm already thinking up ideas. The full moon will be on the 12th, two days before my 18th birthday! I was hoping for the full moon to be on my birthday, but no such luck.
I had a pretty good Thanksgiving yesterday. I've got a lot to be thankful for. I hope everyone who celebrated had fun! I made chocolate dipped coconut macaroons to bring to my grandparents house for dessert (everyone goes there for pie, it's a tradition) and I actually came home with some! I'll put up the recipe for them later. I'm gonna go eat one right now though.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
I'm not sure about today's affirmation. I know some people can feel at home no matter where they are, but I don't think I can. I do call the house I'm living in at any given moment home, but it doesn't really feel like home. I've moved so many times. It's not really the moving (I've never moved from my home town) I think it's the houses. The home I grew up in, the same house my mom grew up in, is what I think of when I think home. That house burnt down a few months ago. I was devastated. I lived there longer than any other house. It is one of my homes. I say one of because I also consider my Aunt Jen's house to be my home. Because she babysat me as a child I spent more time there than my own house. That home is still there. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time; I won't let go of my childhood homes.
Should I let go of them? Will it make it easier? I'm scared to become attached to where I live now because I know I won't be here next year. That's been the problem for other houses too. One house I actually refused to unpack my boxes. My parents swore that we'd be there for a long time. I knew we wouldn't. They said we'd buy the house. They wanted to buy the house. We stayed there six months and got evicted in the middle of February because the landlord sold the house to someone else. That was in 7th grade. We moved in with my grandparents and put most of our things into storage. Good thing I had my boxes already packed.
I feel like there is a nice home waiting for me somewhere in my future. My distant future. I should try to adopt the gypsy spirit and be at home anywhere. I just don't know if I can.
To everyone celebrating Thanksgiving today I just wanted to wish you a happy one! I can't wait to stuff myself full of food. To everyone who is not celebrating, then have a happy day anyway! Here's some music to listen to. It really has nothing to do with Thanksgiving, I tried to put happier songs on it though.
I actually went outside yesterday. I wasn't planning on it. I didn't want to because it's November and cold outside. (I'm a wimp when it comes to being cold) Finally said screw it and bundled up. I'm glad I did. While I was outside I felt calm. Like I had no problems. I walked down to the brook not too far from our house. While walking I noticed the mud under my feet. It squished, and I tried to remember the last time I walked around in the mud. It had been a long time. What happened to that little girl who loved to play outdoors all day long? Why is she sitting watching TV and movies all day now? I don't know. I want her back, though.
When I got to the brook I just stood and stared at the clear, cold, running water. Water has never been my favorite element. It's so beautiful though. It's peaceful. Sometimes you just need to notice those things. I did and I'm grateful. Maybe I will fight to find that little girl who loves to be outside now.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I have been noticing my posture for a while now. I wondered exactly what Denise wanted us to think about. "How do other people see me based on how I use my body?" When I am at school I am hunched over my desk writing a lot. There's really no way around that. When I am not writing, though, I tend to slouch down and get comfortable. I need to work on my posture. I don't like that I'm slouching down instead of sitting up straight and tall.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I like taking care of my body. It's the only one have so I might well. It does need to last me a while, so I want it as healthy as I can make it. I still eat a lot of unhealthy foods, but the healthy outweighs the unhealthy I think.
My keyring from Nydia came in the mail today! I danced all the way to my front door. It made my day so much better. Thank you Nydia!!
After I realized how hungry I was again I went and cut myself a nice big slice of home made bread. This is my great grandmother's recipe. I remember sitting down eating nice big rolls with melted butter as a child. This bread is so good, and I really want to share the recipe with you. I'm not sure if I can explain it, though. All my mom has is basically a list of ingredients. I've made it a few times with success, but I've also messed up a few times. It's still worth the work.
6 Tablespoons of butter
6 Tablespoons of sugar
1 ½ Cups water
6 Tablespoons canned (also called evaporated or sweetened condensed) milk
1 Package (2 ¼ teaspoons if you don’t use packages) of yeast
6-7 Cups (approximately) flour
¾ Teaspoon salt
Melt butter in a bowl in the microwave. Warm the water to a simmer, add sugar and melted butter. Put this into a big bowl and add the canned milk. The milk should help cool it. Stir until it reaches baby milk temperature (do the write test). Add yeast and mix well. Add flour. Knead, let it rise, shape and place in pans, let it rise again.
Bake at 375F for 30-35 minutes or until it sounds hollow when you tap it.
Sorry about how confusing that sounds. I tried to explain it the best way I could. All I can say is that if you mess up I hope you learn from the experience and try again!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Today we caught most of Adam Sandler's 8 Crazy Nights on TV. It is one of my favorite movies to watch this time of year. It makes me laugh, unlike most traditional Christmas time movies. Hopefully we will catch it again sometime in December. We always like to watch it at my Aunt's house and laugh together.
Turkey Day is on Thursday! We bought our turkey today and I am excited. It's one of those days where I can eat three pieces of pie and not care how sick I feel after because I know I'll do it again the next year. Thursday is also the new moon, though. I plan on doing a cleansing that day if I can. It should be a good day overall. There is a marathon of House on for me to watch while I sit and wait for the food to get done.
Today I was supposed to assess my body. Usually I feel comfortable in my body. There's no reason for me not to. I do some times negatively judge it. One time I sat down and made a list of everything I hate about my body. It was long. Afterward I decided to never do it again because it made me feel so crummy. I feel better about it than I used to, though. My body is generally healthy. I am a healthy weight, I try my best to eat healthy and exercise.
I'm going to try and not think about the negatives. I could think and obsess about those for hours. Instead I'll jot down the positives:
I love my eyes. They are a shade of blue that I adore.
I like my weight. I'm not going to lie- I am thin, but a healthy weight. I'm grateful for my metabolism, because I really shouldn't be thin with all the junk food I used to put into my body. I realized that someday I will gain weight, and changed my eating habits.
I like my natural hair color. My hair is thin, and I don't like that, but the color is okay. It's a light brown or a very dirty blond color. I dyed it once, and I liked it then too.
I even like my birth-mark. Most people would hate to have a birth-mark on the side of their head. I don't mind it. It makes me different.