Saturday, March 7, 2009


Things continue for me in their uneventful, yet somehow never boring, way. I expected to be able to relax this weekend a little bit, but that's not happening! Yesterday a friend came over and we hung out all day. She and my dad took me to practice driving, because unlike me she has her license. I really should be trying harder to get it, since school ends in four months and I leave for college shortly after that. She and I are also supposed to go to Walmart today. So I need to work on scholarship applications before she gets here, or I'll never work on them. xP

Nothing puts a damper on creativity like worrying about things like my license, schoolwork, and scholarships. I am finding time to work on my quilt, though! I'm still cutting the squares out of my old jeans. I haven't started sewing it yet. I am not very good at sewing, with a machine or by hand. I'm impatient and I rush things. I want this quilt to be good, though, so I need to slow down when I'm working on it.

I have a question for you all. Has anyone made Amish Friendship Bread before? Someone my dad knows gave him a slice at work and now he is raving about it, saying it's delicious. He wants me to make it. People in my family have been given the starter before, but no one ever uses it. The fact that there are some clearly perishable ingredients sitting on a counter for 10 days just makes us wary. I have the starter recipe and the directions for what to do after I make that, but I just don't know if I want to. xD Am I being silly about it?

Lastly I know of a new blog that some people may be interested in checking out! Nydia posted about it earlier, but some of you may not read her blog. I have recently started reading Dani's new blog Magickal Mommy. Dani is going to be a mommy soon, and her blog is a treasure trove of interesting information. I believe she plans on sharing some spells and recipes as well as showing us things like the truly amazing grimoire she created and her garden-to-be. I love it and I hope some other people will, too!

Thursday, March 5, 2009


I want to thank you all for the wishing and the advice I received yesterday! I am now journaling through The Sunflower, and that is helping me a lot. This type of journaling seems so different and natural compared to the journaling I did when I was involved with Soul Coaching. Whenever I write I find myself writing for some other person. A reader. With this I am writing for my own understanding, and it's liberating! I'm being more honest than I can be with other people. We are discussing this book in class, and when I talk about it I'm almost scared to communicate my feelings on it.

I have been the quiet person in school for years. This year I have opened up more, and it's scaring me. I'm afraid of other people not liking the person I am. I'm afraid that one of these days I'll hear that the are making fun of me behind my back, like they do to other people. Just as I decide to open up and not worry if they like me or not, that fear grips my stomach. I started closing out others in elementary school when being so open about everything first started to make me miserable. For a while I absolutely hated going to school. Then as I stopped sharing what I thought, I found that people stopped paying attention to me. I made it through school with the few friends I had, and I was happy. Now I'm becoming more vocal, and I'm getting that same reaction I got in elementary school. That same unsaid but clear "Shut up, Tori. We don't want you to share who you are with us. We don't care." It hurt me then, and it hurts now.

I think that is part of the reason I always write for the reader. Every time I try to write or speak for myself it comes back on me negatively. I remember my friends finding the journal I kept for myself in middle school. When they read it I got so angry. They picked on me about it, and that put me off journaling for a few years. I'm glad I decided to journal again, though. I have a notebook that I can turn to when I feel overwhelmed by things. Getting the thoughts out of my head is sometimes the most helpful thing I can do. It keeps me sane! Once the thoughts are out there, I can stop obsessing over them. It's therapy. =)

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


This Wednesday's Wishcasting prompt is "What help do you wish to receive?"

In my Conflict Resolution class we are reading several books that inspire deep thinking and change. One is our Nonviolent Communication book, and the other is The Sunflower by Simon Wiesenthal. This second book is about the author, a Jew during the Holocaust, being asked for forgiveness by a dying Nazi soldier. He walks away from the dying man and we are asked what we would have done in his place. After this there are responses by almost 50 other people telling what they think. The book is so powerful, and I don't know how our teacher expected a bunch of high school students to be able to fully comprehend it.

I just want some help in sorting out the thoughts and feelings that the book is bringing up in me. I guess that would be the best way to start answering the question the book asks. Right now I am confused, and letting the depressing subject matter get to me. I'll never be able to answer the question if I start feeling depressed every time I try reading the book!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Being Proud

I was so proud of the potholder I made yesterday, that it made me feel like I was five-years-old again! I don't feel proud of things I do very often, no matter what it is. My mom got irritated with me because I barely reacted when I got the financial aid letter from NECI. I don't make a big deal out of my good grades or many of my other accomplishments. I've stopped being proud of myself a lot of the time, and I don't know why.

This is a picture of the potholder. It's made out of an old comfy pair of jeans. The last time I felt so happy was probably on Valentine's Day when I decided to make all those cards for people. I have so much fun creating things! I've started cutting out squares for the quilt. I'll keep working on it, but for now I'm feeling kind of bleh. I'm going to curl up on the couch with a book and a blanket until dinner time, since I'm not cooking dinner tonight. This weeks Joy Rebel Mission is giving yourself permission, and because I know I won't be feeling too great this week I am giving myself permission to not worry about doing tons of chores.

Monday, March 2, 2009

March Comes In Like a Lion

Let's hope it goes out like a lamb! We got an extra day of vacation, because it still hasn't stopped snowing. Here's what my front yard looks like.

I can't complain, it's an extra day to sit around. I already read one of the short stories out of the book my Aunt Jen got me a while ago.

I am also going to work on the scholarship applications that have been sitting on my desk, because somehow I haven't lost them. I submitted my FAFSA yesterday! That is a huge weight off my shoulders. It's also kind of scary... I'm graduating in 4 months!

Last night I was practicing with my sewing machine. I failed at making a pot holder out of old jeans. It was too small, and my stitching is clumsy. Which is why it was only practice. xD I'm going to try again today, though. I have plenty of old jeans saved up. Once I can make a decent pot holder I'll start sewing my quilt. I need to learn to be more patient if I want to be good at sewing. I'm prone to rushing my projects.

PS- Happy Dr. Seuss Day!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

My Frogs

Over at iGoddess Delena has been talking about eating frogs for a few weeks now. The entire time I am reading her posts I am thinking 'Wow, this is such an amazing idea!' But I keep putting off eating some of my own frogs. I have a lot of frogs. Who doesn't? I keep taking on the smaller ones, too afraid of the bigger frogs. Today I am going back to the post that I missed while on vacation. (I left most of my frogs at home when I went away. ;)) I'll be ordering off the appetizer menu a delicious helping of Positively Playful Prognostication. This frog seems the most appealing to me. I know that I am constantly shaping my future today, so why don't I start living it? I've been putting off too many things for tomorrow.

During vacation I learned the joy of buying things for myself. I was constantly thinking about finding things to buy for my friends, then my Aunt Jen yelled at me and told me I needed to buy something for myself. I've always put this off. I tell myself I'll buy it later if I still want it. Well, I listened to my Aunt and ended up with a couple of nice new necklaces, a shirt, a hat, and earrings. Not to mention the satisfaction I'm feeling now. I came home yesterday and ordered something else online that I've wanted for about a month, but was putting off.

New frog! I've been wanting to make a jean quilt for forever! I've got a bag full of old jeans and a sewing machine, but there is still no quilt. Not even an attempt. Well today I am starting it! I am researching and making a pattern. I'm cutting the squares and even beginning to sew them together. Today is when it will be done, because there is no tomorrow. I'm not going to procrastinate on this project anymore.
Wish me luck!

Back From Disney!

I am back from Disney World, and I'm glad! It's so hectic there... I wanted to come home after day 4. I missed my quiet little town. I missed New England. I even missed the snow! We witnessed the craziest things while down in Disney. A woman smacked her child around in the middle of a restaurant, and the waiters did nothing. People wouldn't give their seats on the bus up to the elderly or to a parent carrying a sleeping child. People were just rude or mean, and it appalled my entire family.

In spite of the complete insanity, the magic of Disney does shine through! I managed to have fun even though I was sick the entire vacation. Hopefully my cold goes away soon now that I'm home and can rest. I'm looking forward to being able to catch up on reading my favorite blogs! I missed that a lot, too. I will be playing catch up today, but for now here are the last of the pics from my Disney vacation.