Saturday, November 15, 2008

Soul Coaching Day 14

I woke up to fog this morning. It has also been raining all day. I guess it's going all out for the end of water week. I am excited for fire week!

My computer is still not working. I think it's a problem with the actual computer this time. Usually it's the internet connection. This means I don't have a lot of time to read blogs, because I am using my mom's computer. Sorry about that.

After baking for 4 hours last night and volunteering at the Christmas Bazaar all day today, I came home and realized I was hungry and exhausted. I took what I learned from day 12 and just relaxed for a while.

The noble question I am asking myself today is "How can I be even happier?" Here is what I came up with for answers-

Relax more
Stress out less
Get out and have some fun
Learn to love yourself more

These all seem very obvious. I know I need to do these things. Now I just need to find out how.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Days 12&13 of Soul Coaching

I did do days 12 and 13 separately, but my computer is not working so I couldn't post last night.

DAY 12:
When I read the day 12 info and saw that Denise wanted me to "go slow" and "do nothing" I thought she must be kidding. I have always been a very active person. I'm always moving around, and if I'm not then my mind is still racing.

Everyday I am busy doing one thing and then another. I've often felt overwhelmed, but never thought I could do anything about it. I still don't think I can. I don't really mind it, though. I like being busy.

All day on the 12th the world was giving me time to go slow and do nothing. I was woken up at 4:30 by my cat. I couldn't sleep after that so I began my day at 5:30. I had the extra time to take it easy, I didn't use it. Instead of sitting around I did housework. In school I was given time to get some reading done, which I did. I had no homework to do that night (a miracle) and my computer will not connect to the internet. The world was just telling me to stop. After I wrote that I had a half hour before House started. I listened to the world for once and just did nothing.

DAY 13:
"My life is blessed, and I am so grateful."

This one is actually true. I really am thankful for my life. It has been so wonderful.

I am thankful for-

Being healthy
Having a loving family
Having a few friends who care
Having enough food to eat and a home
Being able to get an education

This morning I tried to tell myself "I love you!" I couldn't do it. Like Denise did, though, I said "I am willing to think about loving you." It's a process. Eventually I hope I will be able to say "Hello gorgeous!" to myself. =)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Soul Coaching Day 11

Today was about noticing recurring emotional patterns. I was surprised by what I saw even though I expected it.

I worry. Mostly about things happening in the future. This test next period, getting that homework done, going to college. The big one lately is still passing my driving test. It's coming up on Monday and I do not feel ready. I have to take the test in a city I do not drive in very often. It is busy and different from the small town I live and drive in. Whenever I think about this (more than once a day usually) I get scared and feel helpless.

I plan ahead. I think about exactly what I need to be doing in study hall, or when I get home from school. It feels good. I am thinking about myself and what I need to do. I'm not worrying about other people. Looking at it now that sounds a little selfish. I think it's a control thing. Growing up (and even now) I did (do) not have much control of what I can do outside of school. I depend on my parents, but at times I feel like I am controlled by them.

These are the two major things I noticed. Not only are they related to each other, but to how my parents have raised me. Worrying and planning are things that both my parents do. No matter how hard you try, I guess you do end up like your parents. Now I have to wonder, are these bad? I do not want to worry as much. I need to let this go.

I am willing to release this pattern of worry and accept that life will happen, and I will be okay.

That is my affirmation. It sort of covers the planning ahead thing, too. I should let life happen to me more often. I am not just living life, I am alive! That feels good to say.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Soul Coaching Day 10

A short post today. Then I can sit and watch House. (I am now addicted to this show.) We were supposed to identify our energy zappers and juicers. So I made two lists.

My dad. We just don't get along. It seems so mean to say, but it's true. He yells, and I ignore it. I'm not saying it works, but it is all I can do.
Working on my scholarship applications. No one like doing these. I need to though, so I will.

Reading and relaxing. Who doesn't like doing this?
Watching the sun rise. I did this this morning. I was amazed at how beautiful it was.

So, I had a lazy day today and still managed to get things done. Days off from school rock.


Monday, November 10, 2008

Soul Coaching

I feel like there is negativity surrounding me. I'm drowning in it. My parents just had a stupid argument (not uncommon) and now my good mood has vanished. I can't wait to shower and wash away these feelings.

After their argument my parents always come to me to complain and rationalize their side to me. My dad just did it. In order to prevent my mood from worsening I told him to leave me alone. I can't stand it when they do that to me. After he left, though, I looked at the meaning I gave it. "He came to me to complain." Well, it's true. What if I look at it a bit differently, though? He came to me because he was upset that he had an argument with my mom. I prefer this one.

It sounds nicer, but does not change the fact that him doing it gives me a headache. It is something to analyze at a later date. I want to shower.

Update: I'm out of the shower and I feel much better now.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Soul Coaching- Turning Points

Ah, the turning points in my life. I have tried to think about these before. I thought the answers were so silly. It left me wondering "Are they right?" Well since I am getting the same answers that means either I am going about it wrong, or they are right. Because they seem silly I wasn't sure if I wanted to share them. I decided that I do.

Reading The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. Now I know this one is silly, but it's a turning point for me. After reading it I began looking into Pagan beliefs. I looked seriously and found that I wanted to study it more. It sparked an interest for me to grow. Look where it has led me- I am walking down my path at an early age. Who says curiosity killed the cat?

Reading The Cat Who... series by Lillian Jackson Braun. These books sparked my interest in journalism. Even though I do not want to be a journalist anymore, if I had not been interested in it I may not have taken so many English classes. If I had not taken them I would not have improved my writing skills as much as I have.

Watching the TV show Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives. This is a Food Network show hosted by Guy Fieri. Watching this made me realize that I want to own a restaurant. It's important because this is now what I plan to do with my life.

Being in 4H for most of my life. I wasn't sure if I should put this. It seems kind of silly to me that this is a turning point because there was never any doubt that I would be in 4H and show cows. It's a family thing. One of my uncles is part owner in a farm and I spent a lot of my childhood there. So it never was a specific point, it's just a part of my life. I am still an active member of 4H. I put it because it has changed my life though.

Watching one of my uncles beat his dog. I wish I could forget this horrible experience. It is still hard to think about even though it happened probably ten years ago. Seeing that happen made me realize how much I care about animals, and that I can hate a person. He is the one person I know who I can honestly say I hate. He has done so many other horrible things as well, that combined really make me just hate him. I never thought I could hate a person. Whenever I think about this I can't help but cry, and then my mind goes back to trying to repress the memory. Seeing as water week is about emotions I'm sure I will be forced to think about this again.