My New Class Schedule

I figured I'd share my schedule with you all! This is what it will be like until February 28th.

Monday
Spanish 8-9:30
Taste & Flavor: Beverages 12:30-3

Tuesday
Introduction to Human Resource Management 8:30-10:15
Written Expressions 10:30 - 12:30
Fundamentals of Marketing 1:30-3

Wednesday
Spanish 8-9:30
Interpersonal Communciations 9:45 - 11:45
Service Operations Management 12:45-3:15

Thursday
Introduction to Human Resource Management 8:30-10:15
Written Expressions 10:30 - 12:30
Restaurant & Guest Mangement (Practicum - Group A) 4:00-10:00

Friday
Restaurant & Guest Management Class 10:00-12:00
Restaurant & Guest Mangement (Practicum - Group B) 4:00-10:00

I don't know if I am in group A or B for the Restaurant and Guest Management class, but I've emailed the teacher requesting the Thursday group so I can drive home on Fridays. I had Denis as a teacher in my first mod, and he's pretty cool, so I think he'll let me be in that group.

Last night I was feeling really scared and worried. My excitement is slowly coming back. I guess I'll see how I feel once these new classes start! I am really looking forward to my Thanksgiving break. It will be so healing to just be cooking for my friends and family again.

Sorry For The Mess, My Brain Exploded

So here's how it went! I think I rocked the ServSafe Exam. It was waaay easier than I expected. What scared me the most was what pathogens caused which diseases and there weren't many questions about that. My math exam was also easy. The movie for my computer class came out... okay. It's really not that great, but whatever. The interview? No, just no. It's not that it went badly. I passed. I was nervous, but that wasn't the issue either. You know how you're scared for something so you prep like mad? I did that. Have you ever forgotten everything you wanted to say as soon as you were asked even after all that prepping? I did that too. I answered the questions directly, but didn't elaborate or say anything I had planned to say. And he threw me some curve balls that I hadn't planned for or ever even thought about. Don't ask me what they were because I can't remember. All I know is that after the interview I felt completely crushed. Like every professional choice I've made up to this point has been wrong. I don't really get why. I'm just so scared. What if I did choose wrong? What if I'm not cut out to be a manager? I want to be back in high school where things were easy and a lot less scary. I just went to class because I had to. But I liked it. I've always been so good in a classroom setting. Hands-on has never been my thing. What a stupid choice for me to make, going to a hands-on school. I'm not cut out to live in the real world and do real things. I wish there were someone here to talk to about it. Ranting like this helps but it doesn't make me feel better. I want someone who knows me to look at me and tell me how stupid I'm being, how can I think that. And I want to believe them. Even if my cousin were here to tell me that I wouldn't believe her. I'm not a leader. Why am I trying to be one? I'm too sensitive. Too insecure. Too shy. My brain doesn't work that way. Even my teachers knew it. I remember when my English teacher told me how surprised he was when I chose to go to NECI. He said I'd be a good scholar. I know I would be, I told him, but this is stable. I could study for the rest of my life and be the happiest person in the world, but you just can't live that way. Yes, I love food. I love feeding people. The interviewer said he saw passion when I mentioned my plans for a restaurant that feeds families. Yes, I want to do that. At least I think I do. I'm questioning everything now, and it's scaring the crap out of me. I don't like it.

Why couldn't I be normal? Why couldn't I go to a regular university, party, go to class, and not care what my plans were for the rest of my life? Or why couldn't I have been blessed with some amazing talent that's wicked profitable? Why can't this be easy?

I'll look at this later and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. These are my emotions at their rawest. The totally uncensored, insecure, Me. I don't think I like me. I'm kind of pathetic. Does everyone feel this way? Do they all hide it? HOW?

I wasn't sure if I wanted to publish this post. Debating back and forth. It makes me look stupid. I shouldn't care, it's my blog. You like having readers, though, don't you? Yes. And you had 8 comments on that last post. Oh well. They don't have to read and comment on this if they don't want to.

So, fuck it. It's published. Hello, cyber world! This is me! I'm really sorry if you actually read all this. I am in a weird mood. And I ate a lot of melted Ben & Jerry's Cheesecake Brownie Ice Cream. Hi new people who commented on my last post! Sorry for the mess. My brain likes to explode sometimes.

Updates!

I figured I'd keep you all in the loop about what's going on with me at school! Today was my last day of my baking class. We had a written exam at 6:30 this morning. Fun, right?! No, not really. I may be a morning person, but I'm still human. No one wants to take a test that soon after they wake up. I'm sure I did fine on it, though.

Tomorrow I have to take my ServSafe Exam. Now there is a test I'm scared of failing! Mostly because if you fail you have to pay the $36 again so you can retake it. When I pass it I will be ServSafe Certified, though! So I won't have any excuse for why I can't remember what bacteria causes which disease, damn. I am worried about failing it, but I'm sure I'll do fine since it's multiple choice. I have a 25% chance of guessing the correct answer if I have to guess.

On Friday I have a mock job interview for my Professional Development class which is scaring the crap out of me. I can BS my way through written exams if need be, but when it comes to talking and doing I am not so great... And there really isn't a way to 'study' for it. I've never had a job interview, but I know the unprepared feeling is the worst part about it. I'm just sitting here wondering and worrying "Which questions will they ask me? What if I get tongue tied and forget everything?" AHH!

I guess technically this is like my finals week. I also have a final project for my computer class and an exam in my math class on Friday. Then on Monday we have an 'Assessment Day'. I really don't understand it. From what I hear two people from each block go to each class for three hours and there is some kind of competition between the teams. It sounds like a waste of time to me, because I hear we aren't actually getting graded on it! I'd like to just start my Thanksgiving Vacation early, why can't they make it optional? This school is so horrible at telling us what it going on!

Enough ranting, I am going to study and (most likely) unnecessarily stress myself out. Some good news, though: I think my cough is gone.

"Don't Let The Bedbugs Bite!"

I am going to be cleaning my dorm room up this afternoon. Mostly because it's horribly dirty and needs to be cleaned, but also sort of in preparation for the Night of Hecate which I am deciding to participate in last minute. Using a flashlight. Yeah, we aren't allowed candles in dorms. We have uber-sensitive smoke detectors and I can guarantee that if I set it off they would fine me.

Part of my cleaning this afternoon will be looking for bedbugs. The dorm building next door had them, now someone on the floor above me has them. I'm really creeped out and if I find them in my room I am probably going to scream. I can tell you I won't be sleeping in my bed, either! Someone I know back home is an exterminator and he lent me a 16X magnifying glass to look for them, and even gave me a picture of the little nasty things. Which grossed me out even more. When "Don't let the bedbugs bite!" becomes a real warning I start to worry. I didn't think bedbugs were real when I was a kid. I thought they were something my grandma made up to joke with us. Like her pink skippawampus that lived in the woods behind the house.

Oh, and did I ever mention how much I absolutely LOVE lists? To-do lists save my butt. I would forget so many things lately if I didn't write them down on my brightly colored sticky notes.

SO, today I am thankful for to-do lists.