I can't believe it's almost over! I may have been doubting the changes it was making in my life every now and then, but I have to admit that Soul Coaching has made me look at things a little differently. I'm going to miss it a bit.
I'm not sure about today's affirmation. I know some people can feel at home no matter where they are, but I don't think I can. I do call the house I'm living in at any given moment home, but it doesn't really feel like home. I've moved so many times. It's not really the moving (I've never moved from my home town) I think it's the houses. The home I grew up in, the same house my mom grew up in, is what I think of when I think home. That house burnt down a few months ago. I was devastated. I lived there longer than any other house. It is one of my homes. I say one of because I also consider my Aunt Jen's house to be my home. Because she babysat me as a child I spent more time there than my own house. That home is still there. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time; I won't let go of my childhood homes.
Should I let go of them? Will it make it easier? I'm scared to become attached to where I live now because I know I won't be here next year. That's been the problem for other houses too. One house I actually refused to unpack my boxes. My parents swore that we'd be there for a long time. I knew we wouldn't. They said we'd buy the house. They wanted to buy the house. We stayed there six months and got evicted in the middle of February because the landlord sold the house to someone else. That was in 7th grade. We moved in with my grandparents and put most of our things into storage. Good thing I had my boxes already packed.
I feel like there is a nice home waiting for me somewhere in my future. My distant future. I should try to adopt the gypsy spirit and be at home anywhere. I just don't know if I can.
You have a complex history with home/houses. It made me think of the memoir, The Glass Castle. Your life may be a far way off from hers, but she moved a lot, too, which must be so hard on a kid. It's never too late to make a new home though.
ReplyDeleteis there any way that you can make a spirit stick, representing all those homes that you have lived in? As you create that stick, put your good memories into it.. then make a mark on the stick representing the day that you created it and if you ever move again... add to it. And as you move, you can take that spirit stick with all its memories into your new home, place it on the altar and it will be familiar.. bringing that familiarity into your new home...
ReplyDeletefind a special place outside in nature that you can return to each time you need to be home, to ground..go there, close your eyes and know that anywhere on Earth is home for you xo
blessings on your journey dear Tori - I too will miss this Soul Coaching, but we can keep in touch via our blogs... that is what is so good about blogging - bringing like minded women together xoxo
You could make collage depicting the home that´s waiting for you and invite it into your life. I´m sure it´s out there just waiting for you.
ReplyDelete"Home is where the heart is."
ReplyDeleteIn the spirit of what Robyn said you could have a heart to take wherever you go, taking the hominess with you. :)
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ReplyDeletethink you can accomplish anything you want to :)
ReplyDeleteI understand the feeling of not feeling at home. I had that for the longest time, until I struck out on my own and got my first apartment. I had next to no furniture. I slept on an army cot! My back is still experiencing the repercussions of that one! But, I remember the feeling of contentment as I sat on my very first balcony in my very first home, and toasted my future. I take that feeling everywhere I go. :)
It will happen for you too! :)
Oh wow! Can I relate to this!! I've moved so many times there have been nights I've been so tired I've gone to my previous home, only to discover I don't live there anymore - lol.
ReplyDeleteI grew up the same way. My parents couldn't afford to buy, so we always rented, and one after another, we had to move because eventually the owners would decide to sell.
I used to have repeated dreams about my favourite home (I was about 5-8 years old). I think I've felt "at home" in that house more than any other.
Now I seem to fit the gypsy life. Although I don't stray far from the 30 mile radius I grew up in, I've packed up my daughter 12 times in the past 12 years, searching for the right "fit".
I'm really hoping we're in our "meant to be home" this time. I'm getting tired!
I have a fridge magnet that says..."When you're at peace with yourself, any place is home". I take it to every new apartment with me and try to believe it!
((((hugs))))))
Tori, it is so hard when where you live is determined by someone else. I can see why this would give you a sense of homelessness which I know is very unpleasant. The good news is is in the future, you get to decide where you want to live, how you want to decorate. Everything! So start figuring out where you want to be, what kind of place you want to pick out and even pick up things here and there for your future home.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in high school I started collecting wooden spoons, spatulas... for my future home. You can do this too!
Thanks for your ideas!
ReplyDeleteI think I will make a spirit stick Robyn. That will be a fun artsy project.
Suzie- I've already got big ideas swimming in my head for my future home! When I think about what I want it to be like... I can't help but smile.