Sunday, November 16, 2008

Soul Coaching Day 15- Fears

I am afraid of a lot of things. There is this big ugly one just looming, though, so it is the one bothering me.

I am afraid to take my driving test. (I know everyone is probably sick of hearing about this. It's not that important.) I am scared of failing it a 3rd time. I think I'm also scared of passing it, because if I pass it then I lose my excuse on why I don't have a job and why I don't go out with friends. It would mean I actually have to grow up and get out of the house into the world. Now, that is scary.

It felt really good to say out loud that I was afraid of taking the driving test and why. I'm supposed to take it tomorrow. I need to decide if I'm going to or not. I don't think I'm ready. As I was writing in my SC Journal I realized that I wasn't ready because no one has been treating me like I am ready. My dad still tells me exactly what to do when I'm driving. I'm not treating myself like I'm ready either. I keep telling myself that I can't. I looked in the mirror and tried telling myself I can. Not sure I believed it.

I don't know if I am going to take my driving test tomorrow. Fire week it about taking action, though, so it would be appropriate if I did. Peeking ahead in the book I saw that tomorrow is about taking risks. Going to the DMV tomorrow to take the test would be a huge risk for me. I've barely driven since my last test, and the 3rd try is the last one I've got until I turn 18. (Granted that is less than a month away, it's just not the point.) I'm scared and confused. Any advice?

Edit: I decided I should finish my list of fears.

I am afraid of:

The driving test
Moving out into the world (I want to do this- it's just scary)
Not being able to move at all
Not being able to relate to people

I'm sure I can think of more to add later. Now, though, I have other things I should be doing.


  1. No advice, except that I believe you will do the right thing for you. Some questions tho - would it hurt to take it? If you took it and you weren't ready, and didn't pass, would it make you more hesitant to try again - and is there a chance you are more ready than you know?

    And Tori, there is no way anyone is sick of hearing about this - it is important to you, it's been a huge thing for you since the beginning of this Soul Coaching journey. I think I can speak for all of us when I say I care about your struggle with this test, and am glad you can talk and think about it here on the blog.

    I think the realizations you had about why it is so scary to possibly pass this test are amazing and brave - it's all a learning process - and it IS scary to grow up and go into the world - it'll be worth it and exciting too, but you're right, there is a scary element.

    You'll do the right thing. I can't wait to hear what you decide and how it goes.

    Love to you!

  2. Firstly, you ARE important!

    I came here to wish you well on your driving test tomorrow and I see that you are facing your fears. Fire week has probably shown up at a pertinent time for you...feel the fear and do it anyway. You can do this, Tori! And, remember, it's not really failure if you don't's shows that you were brave enough to try. Calm yourself before the test, breathe, and take each step at a time. You will get through it. (((Hugs)))

    You actually sound a lot like I was at your age. I loved being in the comfort zone of my own home. I hope that, in getting your license, you will spread your beautiful wings and fly.

    love, light and peace,

  3. That driving test sure is weighty. There's so much wrapped up in it. No wonder it's scary.

    In there it sounds like there's a desire to deal with it all on your own timeline, to actually feel confident and ready to take it on.

    In terms of this test, what is the most empowering action you could take?

    I think that's the one you should go for :) And whatever it is, know we're rooting for you!

  4. I am full of admiration and pride for you. Look at you facing your deep-seated fears lying behind the drivers' test! Do you even know how that absolutely rocks?

    You take the test. You pass the test? It's just a piece of paper. It can't throw you out into the world if you;re not ready yet. It's also a handy tool, when you are! :)

  5. Good list, all do-able things. Good luck on your drivers test. Think of all of us as little angels in the back seat cheering you on!

  6. I am here too, supporting you whatever you decide... all our fears however big or small we may think they are - are important to us.. as to going out into the big world.. it's like a bird in its nest.. it will go when it can fly.. you will find your wings when you are ready xx

  7. I´m keeping my fingers crossed for you. You´re probably so worried about the driving test because you don´t feel prepared. You don´t have to have a driver´s licence, is there no public transport near your home to get you to and from a job? And if it is important to you - get real lessons or ask someone else to practise with you so you will feel confident. Keeping my fingers crossed for whatever you choose.

  8. Tori, no matter what happens, I think you're very brave. Not going for it is brave. Going for it is brave. Analyzing why you're scared to get it is brave.

    I hope that your transition to the "real" adult world, whenever that happens, ends up being exciting and a happy experience for you.