I am afraid of a lot of things. There is this big ugly one just looming, though, so it is the one bothering me.
I am afraid to take my driving test. (I know everyone is probably sick of hearing about this. It's not that important.) I am scared of failing it a 3rd time. I think I'm also scared of passing it, because if I pass it then I lose my excuse on why I don't have a job and why I don't go out with friends. It would mean I actually have to grow up and get out of the house into the world. Now, that is scary.
It felt really good to say out loud that I was afraid of taking the driving test and why. I'm supposed to take it tomorrow. I need to decide if I'm going to or not. I don't think I'm ready. As I was writing in my SC Journal I realized that I wasn't ready because no one has been treating me like I am ready. My dad still tells me exactly what to do when I'm driving. I'm not treating myself like I'm ready either. I keep telling myself that I can't. I looked in the mirror and tried telling myself I can. Not sure I believed it.
I don't know if I am going to take my driving test tomorrow. Fire week it about taking action, though, so it would be appropriate if I did. Peeking ahead in the book I saw that tomorrow is about taking risks. Going to the DMV tomorrow to take the test would be a huge risk for me. I've barely driven since my last test, and the 3rd try is the last one I've got until I turn 18. (Granted that is less than a month away, it's just not the point.) I'm scared and confused. Any advice?
Edit: I decided I should finish my list of fears.
I am afraid of:
The driving test
Moving out into the world (I want to do this- it's just scary)
Not being able to move at all
Not being able to relate to people
I'm sure I can think of more to add later. Now, though, I have other things I should be doing.