I sat down and did level one which was to be creative and draw what you were feeling. I was very resistant to doing this. I do not like drawing because I do not think it looks good. I don't like how it looks and I feel stupid. I'm very critical of my work, and that's probably why I've felt so uninspired to write for so long. I just had one of my English teachers tell me yesterday I was too critical. He loved a story I had written for an assignment, but I hated it. I thought it was stereotypical garbage.
Draw how I felt it what I did though. It turns out I was feeling a lot of built-up anger. I was repressing it all day. There are a lot of red scribbles and jagged lines. There is some blue. I used a dark blue and it is swirly. This is the sadness I was trying to hide. At the end I put a big black "X" though it because I hated how I was feeling. I don't like feeling that way because it doesn't stop once it starts.
I had to sit for a moment and consider how I wanted to feel for my second drawing. I want to feel grounded and creative. Safe. Calm. Smart. I really like how it turned out. There are green and orange swirls. At the edges of the paper there are flares of green and orange. In the middle is a pine tree. Below it is something that looks like a smile. Above it are orange and yellow stars. I shaded in light blue around them.
I feel better. Maybe I should do this more often. All day I was struggling for an idea so I could write a poem. I love poetry, and I love writing it. I just wish I could feel good about what I write after instead of calling it garbage. I like how Denise described what it feels like when you are being truly creative. It's so true. That is the feeling I strive for. It is why I want my creativity back!
"When you are being truly creative, time stands still, and you enter a dimension that can carry you beyond the ordinariness of life."
I can be really self critical as well. It's good to get 'outside the box' but not have to show anyone or turn anything in sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThe beauty of poetry is that there are not rules. There is no one format. Poetry just is.
ReplyDeleteOne of the biggest banes of artists is self-criticism which is self-sabotage. Try not thinking about about what you want your drawing or poem to say and just let it speak for itself. :)
Tori, I think it's time to let out your inner writing pirate. I read a book once (now out of print) by an old woman who said, "Write like a pirate" and let your editor work over the writing later. Put on some wild music, write insane words and let the colour inside you flow. I think it'll help.
ReplyDeleteI think it's just so awesome that you went through your resistance to the drawing. It takes courage to show up to the page - whether it's for the written word or to draw your feelings. But there's just so many gifts there - for you to share and to receive. I'm glad you felt better after. :)
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