I sat down and did level one which was to be creative and draw what you were feeling. I was very resistant to doing this. I do not like drawing because I do not think it looks good. I don't like how it looks and I feel stupid. I'm very critical of my work, and that's probably why I've felt so uninspired to write for so long. I just had one of my English teachers tell me yesterday I was too critical. He loved a story I had written for an assignment, but I hated it. I thought it was stereotypical garbage.
Draw how I felt it what I did though. It turns out I was feeling a lot of built-up anger. I was repressing it all day. There are a lot of red scribbles and jagged lines. There is some blue. I used a dark blue and it is swirly. This is the sadness I was trying to hide. At the end I put a big black "X" though it because I hated how I was feeling. I don't like feeling that way because it doesn't stop once it starts.
I had to sit for a moment and consider how I wanted to feel for my second drawing. I want to feel grounded and creative. Safe. Calm. Smart. I really like how it turned out. There are green and orange swirls. At the edges of the paper there are flares of green and orange. In the middle is a pine tree. Below it is something that looks like a smile. Above it are orange and yellow stars. I shaded in light blue around them.
I feel better. Maybe I should do this more often. All day I was struggling for an idea so I could write a poem. I love poetry, and I love writing it. I just wish I could feel good about what I write after instead of calling it garbage. I like how Denise described what it feels like when you are being truly creative. It's so true. That is the feeling I strive for. It is why I want my creativity back!
"When you are being truly creative, time stands still, and you enter a dimension that can carry you beyond the ordinariness of life."