So this morning I went to a career fair for school. As all the teachers kept saying, it's a great networking tool. Basically I walked around, talked to people about restaurants and resorts that I have no interest in, and handed out 7 of the 10 resumes I printed. I really hope none of them call me. There weren't any places there that interested me. Or anyone else as far as I could tell. But it was mandatory to attend so we all dressed up and went anyway.
I did mention that I now want to stay on for the BA Hospitality program, right? I just need to find the money for it and fill out the paperwork. If I do end up doing the BA program then my 700 hour internship gets turned into a 350 hour internship, and I'd be coming back to residency in October. Then I get another internship nine months later. If I don't stay on for the BA then I go out for my 700 hour internship in June, graduate, and I'm done. Boom, bam, Associates Degree complete.
I'm just planning on staying for the BA program at this point. Right now I am trying to decide on where I want to intern in June. The real question here for me is do I want to go home for internship or stay around Montpelier? If I stay around Montpelier I can stay in the dorms. If I go home obviously I have my parent's house to stay in. I don't think going home is a good idea. Financially it is, but I think it would be detrimental to my personal growth. Plus I think I'd go nuts. I don't really want to live with my parents again.
The reason I'm so interested in staying around Vermont is because I really love the idea of the Vermont Fresh Network. It partners farmers and chefs, keeping all the food in the restaurant local. This is definitely something I want to learn more about. Coming back for the BA program would mean choosing to either focus my studies on sustainability or wine. I'm much more interested in sustainability. I would learn about agriculture and the environment, exactly what I want!
I went home over the weekend so I could get my taxes and FAFSA done with. (Totally got those out of the way, and I have some money coming back to me for working that terrible summer job!)I also asked my parents to take me out to eat at a certain local restaurent. I was dying to meet this chef. He is not only a NECI graduate, but he is the president of the Vermont Fresh Network. Could it be any more perfect? The possibility of interning at his restaurant (which has an amazing relaxed atmosphere) is the only reason I am considering going home for internship. I did get to meet the chef, however briefly, and he told me to keep in touch if I was looking for an internship around the area.
Haha, I'm finally letting you guys know what's going on with school. I realized that I hadn't been. So what do you think?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Enneagram
Through the years I've taken a lot of personality tests. They've always interested me. I've been on this path of trying to discover who I am for a while I guess. I've done numerology and know what numbers I am. I know my sun sign, my moon sign, and even my rising sign. I've talked about those before, though. One personality test I took that I think is really accurate it the Enneagram Test.
The first time I took it I actually mistyped myself as a 4. It didn't feel right, and only matched me some of the time. I retook the test and was correctly typed as a 9. It even says that some 9's mistype as 4's. After reading the Type Nine description it not only felt right and matched me all of the time, but I had tears in my eyes. The truth hurts. Every now and then I will re-read the Type Nine description and every time I do I will end up crying a little because it puts into words one of the characteristics I am living at the time. It is amazing to find something that makes it make so much sense. I am a Type Nine to a T.
The line that made me cry this morning? "However, what they generally do not have is a sense of really inhabiting themselves—a strong sense of their own identity."
While reading those words this morning I burst into tears. It's so true. I am reading a more in depth description of the Type Nine now, and once again it hurts to read words that cut so deeply.
"As long as Nines are idealizing other people, they will also tend to devalue themselves. It is as though they project all of the qualities that they feel they cannot have onto the idealized other. Strength, self-assertion, poise, self-confidence, and many other positive qualities are perceived as present in the other and lacking in the self."
"Nines typically "solve" the problem of having aggressions by ignoring them out of existence. When Nines inadvertently act aggressively, they simply deny that they have done so. To a certain degree, the peace of average to unhealthy Nines is therefore something of an illusion, a form of willful blindness, a kind of self-deception. They do not realize that to maintain their peace, they have dissociated themselves from themselves—and from reality."
"Connecting with both parents gives at least healthy to average Nines a sense of support and identity because their identity is more or less "given." However, in the process of psychological and spiritual development, Nines may come to see that the identity they have assumed is not who they really are and that they are often dependent on something outside themselves for support."
I've noticed all these aspects about myself before. I know they're there. I want to know what I can do about them. How do I learn how to be my own person after relying on other people to define who I was for 19 years? This test is very useful for pointing out the problems, not so useful for helping you solve them. Right now I am left feeling empty. I've already begun numbing myself from all these unpleasant thoughts.
I am trying to become my own person. I've always been so indecisive. That needs to stop. How much have I missed out on by choosing to ignore what I want and focus on making those around me happy?
The first time I took it I actually mistyped myself as a 4. It didn't feel right, and only matched me some of the time. I retook the test and was correctly typed as a 9. It even says that some 9's mistype as 4's. After reading the Type Nine description it not only felt right and matched me all of the time, but I had tears in my eyes. The truth hurts. Every now and then I will re-read the Type Nine description and every time I do I will end up crying a little because it puts into words one of the characteristics I am living at the time. It is amazing to find something that makes it make so much sense. I am a Type Nine to a T.
The line that made me cry this morning? "However, what they generally do not have is a sense of really inhabiting themselves—a strong sense of their own identity."
While reading those words this morning I burst into tears. It's so true. I am reading a more in depth description of the Type Nine now, and once again it hurts to read words that cut so deeply.
"As long as Nines are idealizing other people, they will also tend to devalue themselves. It is as though they project all of the qualities that they feel they cannot have onto the idealized other. Strength, self-assertion, poise, self-confidence, and many other positive qualities are perceived as present in the other and lacking in the self."
"Nines typically "solve" the problem of having aggressions by ignoring them out of existence. When Nines inadvertently act aggressively, they simply deny that they have done so. To a certain degree, the peace of average to unhealthy Nines is therefore something of an illusion, a form of willful blindness, a kind of self-deception. They do not realize that to maintain their peace, they have dissociated themselves from themselves—and from reality."
"Connecting with both parents gives at least healthy to average Nines a sense of support and identity because their identity is more or less "given." However, in the process of psychological and spiritual development, Nines may come to see that the identity they have assumed is not who they really are and that they are often dependent on something outside themselves for support."
I've noticed all these aspects about myself before. I know they're there. I want to know what I can do about them. How do I learn how to be my own person after relying on other people to define who I was for 19 years? This test is very useful for pointing out the problems, not so useful for helping you solve them. Right now I am left feeling empty. I've already begun numbing myself from all these unpleasant thoughts.
I am trying to become my own person. I've always been so indecisive. That needs to stop. How much have I missed out on by choosing to ignore what I want and focus on making those around me happy?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Advice?
Okay, well not so much advice as would you be willing to share your opinions? I am trying to form my own opinion on the subject and I would greatly appreciate knowing other people's views.
What is your stance on doing things that you might regret later?
I am having a lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts lately. I desperately need someone to talk to, but the one person who knows the situation is the one person I probably shouldn't talk to about it. No, I take that back- I should talk to them, just not until after I figure some things out.
I asked a teacher what she thought about doing things you might regret. Her response? Think about it more, because that means you might be doing something against what you believe is right. What about when I don't know what I believe is right?
Come to think of it I really respect this teacher, maybe I'll ask if I can talk to her about the situation that is distressing me so much. She would probably understand, and I know she wouldn't talk to anyone else about it. I can't trust any of my peers to not talk about it with others. A sad situation, but true.
I can guarantee that if asked most of my peers would also say that I need to live life to it's fullest and just be happy while I can. But what if that means being hurt later? Not thinking ahead gets you in trouble. But it also prevents you from having fun.
It's taking a lot to not cry right now. My cousin is sitting across the room from me, and I don't even feel comfortable talking to her about this. I need an outside opinion.
What is your stance on doing things that you might regret later?
I am having a lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts lately. I desperately need someone to talk to, but the one person who knows the situation is the one person I probably shouldn't talk to about it. No, I take that back- I should talk to them, just not until after I figure some things out.
I asked a teacher what she thought about doing things you might regret. Her response? Think about it more, because that means you might be doing something against what you believe is right. What about when I don't know what I believe is right?
Come to think of it I really respect this teacher, maybe I'll ask if I can talk to her about the situation that is distressing me so much. She would probably understand, and I know she wouldn't talk to anyone else about it. I can't trust any of my peers to not talk about it with others. A sad situation, but true.
I can guarantee that if asked most of my peers would also say that I need to live life to it's fullest and just be happy while I can. But what if that means being hurt later? Not thinking ahead gets you in trouble. But it also prevents you from having fun.
It's taking a lot to not cry right now. My cousin is sitting across the room from me, and I don't even feel comfortable talking to her about this. I need an outside opinion.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
A Million Things Running Through My Mind
Homework I could/ should be doing:
•Working on the Fundamentals of Marketing slideshow
•Looking up info for my Taste & Flavor Beverages paper (herbal liqueurs)
•Writing my diario for Espanol
•Writing an editorial about capital punishment (Why is this even an assignment?!)
•Working on the final project for Human Resources
•Reading part 3 of How to Win Friends for Interpersonal Communications
•Reading chapter 10 in the Interpersonal Communications textbook
Other (productive) things I could be doing:
•Coming up with a good argument for the debate I was having with my Human Resources teacher this morning (He doesn’t believe in situational ethics, he says it’s always black or white. I disagree!)
•Reading Setting the Table (this book is so informative! I love it!)
•Studying my Visual Food Lover’s Guide (I’m brushing up on my product ID)
•Writing something cool for the new school paper thing coming out soon
This blog post is proof that I chose to do none of these things. Instead I’m thinking about:
•This stupid cold sore I’ve got
•Worrying about catching this flu that’s going around
•How much longer I’m going to procrastinate before I actually do any of my homework
•If I’ll find anything to do this weekend
•Why I have no money to do anything
•If this guy, Cam, likes me or if he’s just being nice
•If I’d give Cam a chance if he ever did ask me out
•If I like my new haircut or not (I really can’t decide)
•How unhealthy I’ve been eating
•That I haven’t been exercising at all
•That I haven’t been keeping up with everyone’s blogs (sorry!)
•That I still haven’t written that email to Emma yet (sorry Bet!)
•That I said I was going to be social, but even though I’ve had every night free I’ve been a lame-o sitting in my room by myself because I’m too chicken
•How happy I am that I think I can finally be just friends with Aaron ((aka that guy) I mean there’s no avoiding him. I see him all the time! Friendship is a lot less awkward and sad.)
•That I want to smash my laptop with a hammer because it is a POS
Yeah. I have a lot of stuff running through my mind. Not quite a million things, but a lot. Sometimes I wonder why I can’t just turn my brain off.
Update:
Here are the pictures of my new haircut! I don't think I like it down, but I definitely like it up. It came out shorter than I wanted. =/
•Working on the Fundamentals of Marketing slideshow
•Looking up info for my Taste & Flavor Beverages paper (herbal liqueurs)
•Writing my diario for Espanol
•Writing an editorial about capital punishment (Why is this even an assignment?!)
•Working on the final project for Human Resources
•Reading part 3 of How to Win Friends for Interpersonal Communications
•Reading chapter 10 in the Interpersonal Communications textbook
Other (productive) things I could be doing:
•Coming up with a good argument for the debate I was having with my Human Resources teacher this morning (He doesn’t believe in situational ethics, he says it’s always black or white. I disagree!)
•Reading Setting the Table (this book is so informative! I love it!)
•Studying my Visual Food Lover’s Guide (I’m brushing up on my product ID)
•Writing something cool for the new school paper thing coming out soon
This blog post is proof that I chose to do none of these things. Instead I’m thinking about:
•This stupid cold sore I’ve got
•Worrying about catching this flu that’s going around
•How much longer I’m going to procrastinate before I actually do any of my homework
•If I’ll find anything to do this weekend
•Why I have no money to do anything
•If this guy, Cam, likes me or if he’s just being nice
•If I’d give Cam a chance if he ever did ask me out
•If I like my new haircut or not (I really can’t decide)
•How unhealthy I’ve been eating
•That I haven’t been exercising at all
•That I haven’t been keeping up with everyone’s blogs (sorry!)
•That I still haven’t written that email to Emma yet (sorry Bet!)
•That I said I was going to be social, but even though I’ve had every night free I’ve been a lame-o sitting in my room by myself because I’m too chicken
•How happy I am that I think I can finally be just friends with Aaron ((aka that guy) I mean there’s no avoiding him. I see him all the time! Friendship is a lot less awkward and sad.)
•That I want to smash my laptop with a hammer because it is a POS
Yeah. I have a lot of stuff running through my mind. Not quite a million things, but a lot. Sometimes I wonder why I can’t just turn my brain off.
Update:
Here are the pictures of my new haircut! I don't think I like it down, but I definitely like it up. It came out shorter than I wanted. =/
Monday, January 18, 2010
Getting a Life
Hello world! Are you still there? I'm so relieved, we just finished a major group project tonight, and it's getting passed in tomorrow morning. Then I am never thinking about it again. Ever.
I baked cupcakes this morning! I had a ton of fun decorating them. I think they came out pretty awesome. I'm going to bring some of them to class tomorrow to share with my blockmates in celebration of finishing the project.
My weekend was interesting... Saturday morning I drove home, and I am ashamed to say I got pulled over for speeding on the highway. From this I learned basically to do the opposite of whatever my cousin does. She is the one who taught me to drive on the highway and since she did 80 all the time I naturally assumed it was alright. Wrong! She has copdar, I do not. Luckily I got off with a written warning. It scared the crap out of me, and I learned my lesson. No more going fast.
Saturday night I was social! I went with my cousin to a party at her friend's house. I also hung out with Amy and we learned how to play Risk. Hooray! Risk is way more fun than Monopoly by the way. I also went out and got my hair cut. It's shorter than I wanted it to be, but it works. I also got some new clothes.
New haircut? New clothes? Being social? What is this? I like it. I am committing to this idea of me doing stuff. Like making friends. Why is this so much harder than it sounds?
Speaking of friends- I am working on not liking that guy anymore, because I really would still like to be friends with him. This is really hard, but I'm going to do it. It probably doesn't help that every other song I hear is a love song. That's what I get for liking country music. It really isn't the kind of music you listen to when you want to feel better!
I baked cupcakes this morning! I had a ton of fun decorating them. I think they came out pretty awesome. I'm going to bring some of them to class tomorrow to share with my blockmates in celebration of finishing the project.
My weekend was interesting... Saturday morning I drove home, and I am ashamed to say I got pulled over for speeding on the highway. From this I learned basically to do the opposite of whatever my cousin does. She is the one who taught me to drive on the highway and since she did 80 all the time I naturally assumed it was alright. Wrong! She has copdar, I do not. Luckily I got off with a written warning. It scared the crap out of me, and I learned my lesson. No more going fast.
Saturday night I was social! I went with my cousin to a party at her friend's house. I also hung out with Amy and we learned how to play Risk. Hooray! Risk is way more fun than Monopoly by the way. I also went out and got my hair cut. It's shorter than I wanted it to be, but it works. I also got some new clothes.
New haircut? New clothes? Being social? What is this? I like it. I am committing to this idea of me doing stuff. Like making friends. Why is this so much harder than it sounds?
Speaking of friends- I am working on not liking that guy anymore, because I really would still like to be friends with him. This is really hard, but I'm going to do it. It probably doesn't help that every other song I hear is a love song. That's what I get for liking country music. It really isn't the kind of music you listen to when you want to feel better!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Better Day
Thanks everyone for all the supportive comments! They mean a lot to me.
Fifteen minutes until dinner (which will hopefully be edible since I am hungry), procrastinating on homework until after I eat... so here I am writing a blog post for all of you! Even though I really don't have much to talk about. My days are apparently fluctuating between good and bad. After my Sunday morning meltdown Sunday afternoon was good, Monday was good, Tuesday was just not a good day! It was stressful and emotional. I still haven't talked to him yet, and I know I need to. For me the worst thing I have realized is that even after all this, I still like him. Almost everything about him. And not just him, but who I was around him. He brought out the best in me. He made me confident and social. He made me want to excel in this industry and do better and learn more. My friends of course keep telling me that I need to learn how to bring these things out in myself. Which I know is true! It's just so hard, after not having any confidence in myself for 19 years. I have been telling myself "You suck, you can't do this, you can't do anything." For 19 years. It's like every time someone told me I could do something, or that I was good at something I seemed to shrug it off and forget that they can see what I can't in myself.
Today was a better day. I expressed the doubt I was feeling about myself being able to do well in this program to a teacher and he told me I was wrong. He told me that I could do not only this program, but that I could do the BA program as well. 'I know it,' he said. The difference this time was... I believed him. I am now considering the BA program. I need to look more into it, but I am definitely considering it! I'm finding my confidence. This has made my day. :)
Update: it's been a long time since I've participated in Wishcasting Wednesday! I found it again through a retweet. So I think I'm gonna wish. Jamie asks us How do you wish to shine?
I wish to shine with confidence all on my own. From the inside out.
Fifteen minutes until dinner (which will hopefully be edible since I am hungry), procrastinating on homework until after I eat... so here I am writing a blog post for all of you! Even though I really don't have much to talk about. My days are apparently fluctuating between good and bad. After my Sunday morning meltdown Sunday afternoon was good, Monday was good, Tuesday was just not a good day! It was stressful and emotional. I still haven't talked to him yet, and I know I need to. For me the worst thing I have realized is that even after all this, I still like him. Almost everything about him. And not just him, but who I was around him. He brought out the best in me. He made me confident and social. He made me want to excel in this industry and do better and learn more. My friends of course keep telling me that I need to learn how to bring these things out in myself. Which I know is true! It's just so hard, after not having any confidence in myself for 19 years. I have been telling myself "You suck, you can't do this, you can't do anything." For 19 years. It's like every time someone told me I could do something, or that I was good at something I seemed to shrug it off and forget that they can see what I can't in myself.
Today was a better day. I expressed the doubt I was feeling about myself being able to do well in this program to a teacher and he told me I was wrong. He told me that I could do not only this program, but that I could do the BA program as well. 'I know it,' he said. The difference this time was... I believed him. I am now considering the BA program. I need to look more into it, but I am definitely considering it! I'm finding my confidence. This has made my day. :)
Update: it's been a long time since I've participated in Wishcasting Wednesday! I found it again through a retweet. So I think I'm gonna wish. Jamie asks us How do you wish to shine?
I wish to shine with confidence all on my own. From the inside out.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
New Attitude
So this morning I was ready to publish a post titled 'FML!' I was extremely upset and confused. Why? That boy again. According to him, we weren't dating. I'm not willing to post the whole situation on my blog right now. I am considering writing it all down in story form, though. If I do, you'll all get to read it.
No, I am not upset and confused anymore. I don't exactly know how it happened, but I started looking at it from a different view. Forget the cause, focus on the effect. I made a list. A couple of lists, actually. The first one was what I learned from this whole mess. The knowledge gained from a month of complete confusion. It was written while I was still upset, so some of it may be a little off.
•I’m very submissive & timid
•I am willing to give up things I enjoy in order to be with someone I care about
•It pretty much kills me to hurt another person
•I’m easy to read
•I need friends to talk to about the emotional upsets in my life
•I don’t know myself very well at all
•I like being in a relationship
•I need to be surrounded by outgoing people in order to be outgoing
•I want to be outgoing
•Iwant need my future partner to be outgoing
•I have the ability to lose myself to another person, so I need to be careful
•I need to be my own person
When I realized that I had almost lost my own identity because I got so wrapped up in him, it scared me. I knew I needed to define myself. So I wrote this list.
•I’m a small town girl. Fuck cities. Fuck big.
•I’m Pagan. I’m spiritual. I need to hold this close to me in order to be ok.
•I don’t like getting angry. I talk to people when I have a problem with them. If you don’t talk to me when you have a problem with me I can’t trust you.
•I will not be physical without it being a real relationship. My heart can’t handle that.
•Give me nature or give me death.
•I couldn’t handle working in a big resort. I don’t want to work at a big restaurant. I don’t dig fancy.
•I’m willing to try new things. I want to learn. Teach me.
•My family and friends have been the most important things in my life for a long time. I don’t plan on being very far away from them. Home is extremely important to me.
•My happiest moments in life have been those of self-discovery and making others happy.
•I am on a path of constant self-discovery.
Truthfully, the last two are my favorites. <3
No, I am not upset and confused anymore. I don't exactly know how it happened, but I started looking at it from a different view. Forget the cause, focus on the effect. I made a list. A couple of lists, actually. The first one was what I learned from this whole mess. The knowledge gained from a month of complete confusion. It was written while I was still upset, so some of it may be a little off.
•I’m very submissive & timid
•I am willing to give up things I enjoy in order to be with someone I care about
•It pretty much kills me to hurt another person
•I’m easy to read
•I need friends to talk to about the emotional upsets in my life
•I don’t know myself very well at all
•I like being in a relationship
•I need to be surrounded by outgoing people in order to be outgoing
•I want to be outgoing
•I
•I have the ability to lose myself to another person, so I need to be careful
•I need to be my own person
When I realized that I had almost lost my own identity because I got so wrapped up in him, it scared me. I knew I needed to define myself. So I wrote this list.
•I’m a small town girl. Fuck cities. Fuck big.
•I’m Pagan. I’m spiritual. I need to hold this close to me in order to be ok.
•I don’t like getting angry. I talk to people when I have a problem with them. If you don’t talk to me when you have a problem with me I can’t trust you.
•I will not be physical without it being a real relationship. My heart can’t handle that.
•Give me nature or give me death.
•I couldn’t handle working in a big resort. I don’t want to work at a big restaurant. I don’t dig fancy.
•I’m willing to try new things. I want to learn. Teach me.
•My family and friends have been the most important things in my life for a long time. I don’t plan on being very far away from them. Home is extremely important to me.
•My happiest moments in life have been those of self-discovery and making others happy.
•I am on a path of constant self-discovery.
Truthfully, the last two are my favorites. <3
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
What The New Year Brings- 2010
I finally have a little free time! So, like I did last year, I am going to tell what numerology has to say for the new year. Both in general and for me specifically.
2010 breaks down to the number 3. 2010 is a year for change. But while change usually brings chaos and fear, 2010 is a year of optimism. Everyone can see that after 2009 we could use some big changes!
My personal year for 2010 is 2. This means that it will be a year of patiently waiting to see my plans from 2009 develop. It is a year for cooperation and involving others in my plans. There is a focus on relationships in a 2 personal year.
I can already feel that this is going to be an interesting year! 2 just feels 'right'. Especially that last bit about relationships. That boy who was driving me nuts and confusing that crap out of me? We're finally dating. :)
Sorry this is so short. My mind can't focus on one thing for very long lately. Plus I'm tired. I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve!
2010 breaks down to the number 3. 2010 is a year for change. But while change usually brings chaos and fear, 2010 is a year of optimism. Everyone can see that after 2009 we could use some big changes!
My personal year for 2010 is 2. This means that it will be a year of patiently waiting to see my plans from 2009 develop. It is a year for cooperation and involving others in my plans. There is a focus on relationships in a 2 personal year.
I can already feel that this is going to be an interesting year! 2 just feels 'right'. Especially that last bit about relationships. That boy who was driving me nuts and confusing that crap out of me? We're finally dating. :)
Sorry this is so short. My mind can't focus on one thing for very long lately. Plus I'm tired. I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Show and Tell- With Updates
Early Happy New Year to everyone! Tomorrow I'll be heading back home to celebrate. I didn't plan to go back home this weekend, but my cousin needs help moving. Besides, I still have no real friends up here.
Today my cousin and I were downtown getting lunch and we stopped into this cool little store. The have a lot of interesting things there, most of them made of different types of stone. As a gift, my cousin told me to pick out one of the pendulums I have been eying for months but never bought. I picked out this beauty.
I love it! I have been playing around with it since I got it. I think I have finally found my favorite divination tool. As much as I like that tarot deck I got, tarot is a bit difficult for me.
I wish I could say that things have been going well, but they haven't. One of my classes completely depresses me every time I have it. Everything this teacher tells us is telling me I don't have what it takes to make it in this field. That I just shouldn't be here. It feeds my doubts and fears. It's all I can do to not cry in the middle of class. I don't know what to do about it.
I have also just been down in general. As much as I really hate saying it, it was because of that boy I like. It makes me angry that I let something so stupid hurt me so much. It was definitely not a good experience for me. I opened up to someone and ended up hurt. Hopefully I can just learn something from it and move on.
The cherry on top is this stubborn cold I have. I'd really just like it to go away so I can try to have some fun this weekend. Or not, you know, whatever works for the rest of the universe.
Wow! Sorry to be such a downer. I'm going to shower and take some NyQuil.
Today my cousin and I were downtown getting lunch and we stopped into this cool little store. The have a lot of interesting things there, most of them made of different types of stone. As a gift, my cousin told me to pick out one of the pendulums I have been eying for months but never bought. I picked out this beauty.
I love it! I have been playing around with it since I got it. I think I have finally found my favorite divination tool. As much as I like that tarot deck I got, tarot is a bit difficult for me.
I wish I could say that things have been going well, but they haven't. One of my classes completely depresses me every time I have it. Everything this teacher tells us is telling me I don't have what it takes to make it in this field. That I just shouldn't be here. It feeds my doubts and fears. It's all I can do to not cry in the middle of class. I don't know what to do about it.
I have also just been down in general. As much as I really hate saying it, it was because of that boy I like. It makes me angry that I let something so stupid hurt me so much. It was definitely not a good experience for me. I opened up to someone and ended up hurt. Hopefully I can just learn something from it and move on.
The cherry on top is this stubborn cold I have. I'd really just like it to go away so I can try to have some fun this weekend. Or not, you know, whatever works for the rest of the universe.
Wow! Sorry to be such a downer. I'm going to shower and take some NyQuil.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Back To School
I'll be heading back to Montpelier in a few hours. I am riding up with my cousin because my car is in the shop. Something is wrong with the windshield wiper gears. It's a part that is going to cost over $100. That, plus the oil change and the inspection is going to cost me about $250! I am just lucky my cousin can bring me back up to school, no way I can drive around in the middle of winter without windshield wipers.
I am really glad to be going back to school. I love my family, but they drive me insane. A week home is more than enough. Especially with all this stress from moving into a new house and the holidays. I think I am going to come home less often. I feel as if I am missing out on something by not being on campus during the weekends. Plus it will give me a chance to be a bit more focused. When I'm home I don't have the chance to do homework if I have any.
I hope everyone had a happy holiday! We had a great time both Christmas Day and Christmas Eve. Lots of food, family, and laughs. My two big gifts were a GPS and an iPod adaptor for my car. Both of which I can't use until I get my car back! xD
Here's to hoping that things are a lot less complicated when I get back to school. It's unlikely, but I can hope. I'm sorry I have been posting so rarely!
I am really glad to be going back to school. I love my family, but they drive me insane. A week home is more than enough. Especially with all this stress from moving into a new house and the holidays. I think I am going to come home less often. I feel as if I am missing out on something by not being on campus during the weekends. Plus it will give me a chance to be a bit more focused. When I'm home I don't have the chance to do homework if I have any.
I hope everyone had a happy holiday! We had a great time both Christmas Day and Christmas Eve. Lots of food, family, and laughs. My two big gifts were a GPS and an iPod adaptor for my car. Both of which I can't use until I get my car back! xD
Here's to hoping that things are a lot less complicated when I get back to school. It's unlikely, but I can hope. I'm sorry I have been posting so rarely!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)