Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Better Day

Thanks everyone for all the supportive comments! They mean a lot to me.

Fifteen minutes until dinner (which will hopefully be edible since I am hungry), procrastinating on homework until after I eat... so here I am writing a blog post for all of you! Even though I really don't have much to talk about. My days are apparently fluctuating between good and bad. After my Sunday morning meltdown Sunday afternoon was good, Monday was good, Tuesday was just not a good day! It was stressful and emotional. I still haven't talked to him yet, and I know I need to. For me the worst thing I have realized is that even after all this, I still like him. Almost everything about him. And not just him, but who I was around him. He brought out the best in me. He made me confident and social. He made me want to excel in this industry and do better and learn more. My friends of course keep telling me that I need to learn how to bring these things out in myself. Which I know is true! It's just so hard, after not having any confidence in myself for 19 years. I have been telling myself "You suck, you can't do this, you can't do anything." For 19 years. It's like every time someone told me I could do something, or that I was good at something I seemed to shrug it off and forget that they can see what I can't in myself.

Today was a better day. I expressed the doubt I was feeling about myself being able to do well in this program to a teacher and he told me I was wrong. He told me that I could do not only this program, but that I could do the BA program as well. 'I know it,' he said. The difference this time was... I believed him. I am now considering the BA program. I need to look more into it, but I am definitely considering it! I'm finding my confidence. This has made my day. :)

Update: it's been a long time since I've participated in Wishcasting Wednesday! I found it again through a retweet. So I think I'm gonna wish. Jamie asks us How do you wish to shine?

I wish to shine with confidence all on my own. From the inside out.


  1. I am glad you are feeling more positive about your program - you definitely did the right thing in talking to your teacher. I doubt myself all the time too so I know how you feel! You will grow more confident in yourself over time - I have found being at uni has forced me to become braver and more self-confident. I hope you sort out your boy issues too. Boys are so confusing...

  2. As Tori wishes for herself, so I wish for her also. Confidence hard-won is a stronger confidence (trust me, I know.).

  3. As Tori wishes for herself, I so lovingly wish this for her also. xx

    AND your next relationship ...bring on your shine, your sparkle and the best in a light.

  4. As you wish for yourself, Tori, I so wish for you as well.

  5. As Tori wishes for herself, so I wish for her also. I wish for you to shine bright and beautiful with strong confidence, beauty and grace~

  6. I'm glad you have a renewed sense of spirit and confidence! That's wonderful!

  7. As Tori wishes for herself, so I wish! May you shine, shine, shine!
    blessings on embodying the qualities that *the boy* made you aware of - it's HUGE that you realize you can empower yourself!!
    I see you coming into your own, more & more! & YES, you CAN do the BA program!! I know it :)

  8. As Tori wishes for herself, so I wish for her also! :)

    You are wise enough to attract very wise friends indeed. Be kind to yourself honey. For 19 years, you have been stuck, like many of us, in the mire of self-deprecation. It will take time to break out of that mold. One step at a time. :)

  9. Learning to like, then love yourself when you've been so hard on yourself for so long, takes time. Your teacher obviously thinks you are plenty smart, and your friends know you are wonderful. You just have to believe it!

  10. You can do it too....

    Learning to love yourself is a beautiful thing. And I PROMISE you, you don't need a boy to do it. :)