Today is day two of soul coaching. It was about commitment. I have faced problems with this before, and I believe I will continue to face problems with it in the future. I tell myself I am going to do something, and then I don't do it. The only good that has come out of that is I have learned how to not get mad at myself for breaking these promises. In truth it is probably not the best thing for me to do. I should keep the promises I make to myself. The one that I am proud of is I have been keeping the promise I made to stretch every night before bed.
I am facing new difficulties now though. Today was a big day. I went to take my driving test. Again. After failing the first time and working though my disappointment I was nervous about going today. I think I scared myself a bit too much, because I broke into tears this morning trying to explain to my dad that I was really scared about going to the DMV to take the test. I failed today and was forced to face the disappointment once again. It hurts a lot and I am even more scared now about my new appointment on the 17th.
Now to get to the point where this has something to do with commitment. I woke up and made two promises to myself. 1- I would go to school no matter if I failed or passed the test. I kept this one! I went to school and went about my day. 2- That if I failed the test I would not get upset. But if I did then I would try to limit the crying to 10 minutes. This is the one I did not keep, and the one that bothers me the most. When I failed I just couldn't stop the tears. I felt so horrible, and so disappointed in myself. I put myself into such a state of mind that I was in a bad mood all day. I really don't want to go back on the 17th now. It is the old you can't fail if you don't try method.
I am making two commitments to myself today. I will go back for my test in two weeks. If I disappoint myself again then I will deal with it after, not worry about it beforehand. No matter how many times I disappoint myself I know that having a license is very necessary where I live. The next commitment is one to help me relax and work through my fears. I will do 15 minutes of meditation every day. Hopefully keeping these promises to myself will help me learn to trust myself more.