Monday, November 3, 2008

Soul Coaching/ life update all in one!

Today is day two of soul coaching. It was about commitment. I have faced problems with this before, and I believe I will continue to face problems with it in the future. I tell myself I am going to do something, and then I don't do it. The only good that has come out of that is I have learned how to not get mad at myself for breaking these promises. In truth it is probably not the best thing for me to do. I should keep the promises I make to myself. The one that I am proud of is I have been keeping the promise I made to stretch every night before bed.

I am facing new difficulties now though. Today was a big day. I went to take my driving test. Again. After failing the first time and working though my disappointment I was nervous about going today. I think I scared myself a bit too much, because I broke into tears this morning trying to explain to my dad that I was really scared about going to the DMV to take the test. I failed today and was forced to face the disappointment once again. It hurts a lot and I am even more scared now about my new appointment on the 17th.

Now to get to the point where this has something to do with commitment. I woke up and made two promises to myself. 1- I would go to school no matter if I failed or passed the test. I kept this one! I went to school and went about my day. 2- That if I failed the test I would not get upset. But if I did then I would try to limit the crying to 10 minutes. This is the one I did not keep, and the one that bothers me the most. When I failed I just couldn't stop the tears. I felt so horrible, and so disappointed in myself. I put myself into such a state of mind that I was in a bad mood all day. I really don't want to go back on the 17th now. It is the old you can't fail if you don't try method.

I am making two commitments to myself today. I will go back for my test in two weeks. If I disappoint myself again then I will deal with it after, not worry about it beforehand. No matter how many times I disappoint myself I know that having a license is very necessary where I live. The next commitment is one to help me relax and work through my fears. I will do 15 minutes of meditation every day. Hopefully keeping these promises to myself will help me learn to trust myself more.


  1. Hi Tori!
    What an amazing young woman you are. I am so happy to be sharing this soul coaching journey with a wise person at such a different life change. I know I will learn alot from you.

    Now, if I sound like a mother hen, please excuse me - excuse and ignore me pffft! - but I wonder if you are "disappointing yourself" as you worded it. I don't see you as disappointing yourself or anyone else, because that implies some lack of responsibility or follow through on your part. You are disappointed by the outcome of the driving test, sure, but it sounds like you did all you could to prepare and be there and show up and do your part. Sometimes it doesn't work out, through no fault of your own. Maybe learning to drive is just a little harder for you for some reason ... and I have a theory about that. The more creative people I have known have had the hardest times learning to drive - truly. I think it is a left brain/right brain deal. But they all got it and you will too.

    You are off to a rockin good start in life woman! I wish I was like you at 17 - hell, I wish I was like you now, lol.

    Peace to you, and I'm marking my calendar for the 17th and sending you magic that day (not that you need it, but just as a boost.

  2. hi Tori-if I had been even as half self-aware as you are when I was 17--my life would have been so different!

    if it makes you feel any better--I lived in the Aalaskan bush for about 18 years and didn't have a car--so I never drove and did not have a driver's license---when I finally learned and took a driver's test--at age 38!!! I flunked it twice!!! but the 3rd time I will get it! when the time is right for you.

    don't push the river....
    and be easy on yourself

  3. I failed my driving test the first time, and I was 27 when I took it.

    It was a terrifying experience. The driving examiner was grimmer than death. It was about 100 degrees below zero. There were piles of icy snow everywhere, and it was my birthday.

    He told me to turn right abruptly and I did, only to skid into a snow pile. His expression made me feel dumber than dog poo.

    I did pass the test the next year, making sure that I took it in the summer.

    Breathe. You can do it. Don't let anyone, including the negative voice inside tell you otherwise! :)

  4. Tori, I want to reach through this monitor screen and give you a big (((HUG))) did not fail. You took action! You WENT for the test even though it was daunting and nerve-wracking for you. How brave was that?! Now, that's something to celebrate. Be proud of yourself for taking that step.

    My daughter was 19 when she first went for her license and failed the first time. The poor thing cried and cried because she was so prepared and a silly mistake cost her the license. I did my best to comfort her and encourage her to take the test again a few days later. She did and passed! You will too and, if you don't this time, there is always the next time. I know of one lady who the Testing Centre personnel knew by name, and as a regular, because she went so many times for her driving test and failed. She just kept on going back and eventually passed. Can you imagine how proud she was of herself?! The word 'fail' has such a harsh connotation and our ego self loves to use it. Yet, all those 'fails' stood for her strength of character and her determination to get that license.

    You CAN do it, Tori! Remember to just breathe and be gentle with yourself. Up until your test, try some meditation and visualise yourself getting that license, FEEL the happiness and sense of achievement. I'll also be sending you positive vibes on the 17th.

    Blessings ~

  5. You will find that your commitment to meditate for 15 minutes each day will be so powerful as a stress reducer. Each day will be different and each day will be perfect, as it should be at the time, just for you.

    Driving: be the car, feel the road. You will be fine. Promise.


  6. What an emotional day for you-- but you honored your commitments, even though they were daunting! And now you can put this day behind you and know that tomorrow will be better and that the third time is the charm-- visualize yourself all calm and cool taking your driver's test next time and passing, you CAN do this!

  7. As many people have already said here, oh how I would liketo have your maturity when I was your age!! LOL Seriously, you're a very centered girl for a 17. It's amazing, and lovely. Now I second everybody here. You didn't fail, you had the courage to go and try! When you pass your test, no matter if in two weeks or not, you'll relax. It's only a car, everything is in your head! Sounds too easy but it's true, just believe it!
    and girl, you are really severe with yourself! Breath.

    Kisses from Nydia.

  8. I honour your strength, Tori. It's tough to face your fears, to put yourself in the ring and to take a risk. It's also powerful. Congratulations on showing up.

  9. As someone who doesn't know how to drive and isn't allowed to learn, I am inspired by your tenacity to keep trying to do something I will never get to experience. Don't give up. It'll happen in time. This is a big learning experience and the commitment isn't to get your licence, it's to not give up working on it.

    Big but gentle hug to you!