Friday, January 16, 2009

Where Did The Inspiration Go?

I just got done babysitting for the night. I brought my laptop with me in high hopes that the little boy would be asleep, but I had no such luck. He stayed up the entire time. And he's 1. If I had stayed at home I would have been asleep way earlier! I'm really an early to bed early to rise person... I'm tired. Or I was tired before I took a shower. Who knows how long I'll be up now? xD

I came to the conclusion today that I am like my laptop. I need to be unplugged from at least 4 different things before I can go anywhere, and plugged back in before I can do anything. I haven't been feeling creative in the least. When I'm not at school, working on scholarships, watching movies with my cousin, cleaning the house, cooking, or reading my latest murder mystery, I'm on the computer. I haven't been doing anything that inspires me to be creative. I used to write all the time! Poetry is one of my favorite things. I love reading it and writing it. The former inspires the latter.

I also haven't been a very outdoorsy person lately. When it isn't warm outside there are days when I won't even leave the house except to get into a car or onto the school bus. It makes me sad. I love being outside. Today I was outside putting bread out for the birds. I remembered a time when I would have been sledding, jumping into a snow pile, making a snowman, or just walking around. All in spite of the freezing cold weather. I don't even own a decent pair of snow boots anymore! I haven't tried on my old winter jacket either. I may not even own that, I think my sister has claims on it now. We have a ton of snow that I just won't play in. I want my care-free little girl to come out and inspire me again. There's no little whisper in my ear saying "Go on! Pile on the layers of clothes and just go outside! It'll be fun... you'll love it!" That whisper is gone.

Do I really think if I start reading poetry and playing outside that it will inspire me to be creative again? I don't know. It's worth a shot, though.


  1. Sweetheart, the little girl who likes to play helped write this post with you :) She's there. She isn't lost. She will come out and play when you are ready. Sometimes, we just need to cocoon and that's okay too.

    And psst, you are being creative. You wrote a blog post that was not there before. You bake. You're creating your future by working on scholarships. You're creating a clean environment for yourself and those who live with you. You're engaging your imagination through movies and books.

    So? You didn't write a poem. You will, when you're ready. :)

  2. When you are in tune with the seasons (and I know you are) then winter is the time for withdrawing from the outdoor world unless absolutely necessary. It's a time for pondering, for introspection, for surviving the harsh conditions and waiting for the energy to return with the sun. In other words, this is normal. I am trying to not change this season but be a part of its rituals. I will bake, read (this includes blog surfing) and conserve my energy. Giving energy to an infant like that takes a lot out of the spirit too. Give yourself time to recover.

    I truly hope with all my heart that you are safe from all illness and potential problems getting in the way of your dreams. It does happen sometimes like it did to me but if you listen to your intuition and get out of bad situations before they affect your health, you can avoid it. I was pig headed and believed I was invulnerable. This got me into a lot of trouble. Listen to your body. See what makes your spirit sing, not cry. You can do this!

  3. Hi Torie - hope you enjoy the cookies as much as we do! I made another batch of them today. :)

  4. why don't you go out and make snow angels?
    my inner little girl hides alot too.. I have to keep reminding my self that she needs attention sometimes.. so I blow bubbles or eat cup cakes :)

    it is winter time there, I know.. a time for snuggling, a time for nurturing and a time for resting.. much like a bear xoxo - your creative self is probably hatching ideas for spring time, where they will burst forth with a blaze of creativity !