A conversation I had this morning with my friend Amy really made me realize something.
Me: I really don't like this top...
Amy: Which one the sweater or the shirt?
Amy: Then why did you wear them?
Me: I don't know. Maybe it's just me. I've got this dumb cold sore, too.
I point to the cold sore
Amy: I didn't even notice it! You're just self conscious today.
It made me realize how much I hate those words. I've been feeling insecure lately, and I am just now trying to figure out why. I was trying to pretend I wasn't, I was wishing it away. It hasn't been working. I don't want to feel self conscious or insecure. I'm not supposed to be that way. I hate writing this post. I don't like sharing these kinds of things with other people. I like working through them on my own. It's affecting everything about me, though.
I started this blog to get in touch with other Pagan bloggers, and to continue learning as much as I can. I found so much more. I've met the most inspiring, creative people ever. I've been a part of Soul Coaching, won giveaways, celebrated, made magic and food. Blogging has fueled my creativity. Right now, though, I feel lost. I'm throwing myself into mundane things. I'm burying my mind in books and TV. So many of us are feeling this way, and I can't help but wonder why? It was a long, tiring winter, but Spring is here! We should all be celebrating and opening up to find our beautiful souls awaiting the warmth and sunshine. I feel so disconnected. As if while the world keeps moving, I'm stuck.
I'm using this post as a way to say that enough is enough! I can't stand feeling this way anymore. I'm sure the other people who are suffering want to stop it as well. I don't want to just 'let it work itself out', even though the Mercury retrograde coming up (May 7-30) is as good a time as any for that option. I need something that will kick me into overdrive. If I don't find myself again soon I think I'll go crazy. It was going so well for a while. I'm going to start journaling again. I stopped right around the time I started feeling this way. I want my creativity to reemerge. I've got to move around more, and watch less TV. I'm going to get back into researching pagan things, I don't know why I ever stopped.
Thank you blog friends for sharing this journey with me! I might be going slow, but I am moving down my path. This blog is now a major part of that.