Being Proud

I was so proud of the potholder I made yesterday, that it made me feel like I was five-years-old again! I don't feel proud of things I do very often, no matter what it is. My mom got irritated with me because I barely reacted when I got the financial aid letter from NECI. I don't make a big deal out of my good grades or many of my other accomplishments. I've stopped being proud of myself a lot of the time, and I don't know why.



This is a picture of the potholder. It's made out of an old comfy pair of jeans. The last time I felt so happy was probably on Valentine's Day when I decided to make all those cards for people. I have so much fun creating things! I've started cutting out squares for the quilt. I'll keep working on it, but for now I'm feeling kind of bleh. I'm going to curl up on the couch with a book and a blanket until dinner time, since I'm not cooking dinner tonight. This weeks Joy Rebel Mission is giving yourself permission, and because I know I won't be feeling too great this week I am giving myself permission to not worry about doing tons of chores.

Where Did The Inspiration Go?

I just got done babysitting for the night. I brought my laptop with me in high hopes that the little boy would be asleep, but I had no such luck. He stayed up the entire time. And he's 1. If I had stayed at home I would have been asleep way earlier! I'm really an early to bed early to rise person... I'm tired. Or I was tired before I took a shower. Who knows how long I'll be up now? xD

I came to the conclusion today that I am like my laptop. I need to be unplugged from at least 4 different things before I can go anywhere, and plugged back in before I can do anything. I haven't been feeling creative in the least. When I'm not at school, working on scholarships, watching movies with my cousin, cleaning the house, cooking, or reading my latest murder mystery, I'm on the computer. I haven't been doing anything that inspires me to be creative. I used to write all the time! Poetry is one of my favorite things. I love reading it and writing it. The former inspires the latter.

I also haven't been a very outdoorsy person lately. When it isn't warm outside there are days when I won't even leave the house except to get into a car or onto the school bus. It makes me sad. I love being outside. Today I was outside putting bread out for the birds. I remembered a time when I would have been sledding, jumping into a snow pile, making a snowman, or just walking around. All in spite of the freezing cold weather. I don't even own a decent pair of snow boots anymore! I haven't tried on my old winter jacket either. I may not even own that, I think my sister has claims on it now. We have a ton of snow that I just won't play in. I want my care-free little girl to come out and inspire me again. There's no little whisper in my ear saying "Go on! Pile on the layers of clothes and just go outside! It'll be fun... you'll love it!" That whisper is gone.

Do I really think if I start reading poetry and playing outside that it will inspire me to be creative again? I don't know. It's worth a shot, though.

Wreck This Journal

Today I did a few of the messier pages in Wreck This Journal! Two involved paint, and one required me setting the page on fire. I like fire, but it scared me a bit. I had a glass of water next to me that I used to make the page stop smoldering. I had fun doing these pages, though. In the second picture I used a twist tie and both ends of a fork to make the lines. I still have some paint on my fingers and desk from the third picture.

New Project! Wreck This Journal

Deep down we all have this little perfectionist who just yells and screams at us every time we do something and it's not just right. Mine gets annoying sometimes, and lately I just can't shut her up. I found this amazing book at Borders yesterday that I think may help me squash those negative perfectionist comments. It's probably going to be just as helpful as Soul Coaching has been.

Wreck This Journal is by Keri Smith. Inside there are instructions on every page for how to wreck the book. How she think of this idea? I really wish I knew. Here is a picture of my journal before I begin destroying it. One reason I know I need this project right now- I probably spent 10 minutes taking pictures because I wanted a perfect one. Luckily I got this one right before I started getting mad.
Anyone want to join me? I'd love the company! =) I'm probably going to do a page a day. I'll take pictures and post them here so you can see the destructive process. I'm excited for my new unexpected project. Let's see what I learn from it!