Soul Coaching Day 11

Today was about noticing recurring emotional patterns. I was surprised by what I saw even though I expected it.

I worry. Mostly about things happening in the future. This test next period, getting that homework done, going to college. The big one lately is still passing my driving test. It's coming up on Monday and I do not feel ready. I have to take the test in a city I do not drive in very often. It is busy and different from the small town I live and drive in. Whenever I think about this (more than once a day usually) I get scared and feel helpless.

I plan ahead. I think about exactly what I need to be doing in study hall, or when I get home from school. It feels good. I am thinking about myself and what I need to do. I'm not worrying about other people. Looking at it now that sounds a little selfish. I think it's a control thing. Growing up (and even now) I did (do) not have much control of what I can do outside of school. I depend on my parents, but at times I feel like I am controlled by them.

These are the two major things I noticed. Not only are they related to each other, but to how my parents have raised me. Worrying and planning are things that both my parents do. No matter how hard you try, I guess you do end up like your parents. Now I have to wonder, are these bad? I do not want to worry as much. I need to let this go.

I am willing to release this pattern of worry and accept that life will happen, and I will be okay.

That is my affirmation. It sort of covers the planning ahead thing, too. I should let life happen to me more often. I am not just living life, I am alive! That feels good to say.

Soul Coaching Day 10

A short post today. Then I can sit and watch House. (I am now addicted to this show.) We were supposed to identify our energy zappers and juicers. So I made two lists.

Zappers-
My dad. We just don't get along. It seems so mean to say, but it's true. He yells, and I ignore it. I'm not saying it works, but it is all I can do.
Working on my scholarship applications. No one like doing these. I need to though, so I will.

Juicers-
Reading and relaxing. Who doesn't like doing this?
Watching the sun rise. I did this this morning. I was amazed at how beautiful it was.

So, I had a lazy day today and still managed to get things done. Days off from school rock.

Dreamboard

Soul Coaching

I feel like there is negativity surrounding me. I'm drowning in it. My parents just had a stupid argument (not uncommon) and now my good mood has vanished. I can't wait to shower and wash away these feelings.

After their argument my parents always come to me to complain and rationalize their side to me. My dad just did it. In order to prevent my mood from worsening I told him to leave me alone. I can't stand it when they do that to me. After he left, though, I looked at the meaning I gave it. "He came to me to complain." Well, it's true. What if I look at it a bit differently, though? He came to me because he was upset that he had an argument with my mom. I prefer this one.

It sounds nicer, but does not change the fact that him doing it gives me a headache. It is something to analyze at a later date. I want to shower.

Update: I'm out of the shower and I feel much better now.

Soul Coaching- Turning Points

Ah, the turning points in my life. I have tried to think about these before. I thought the answers were so silly. It left me wondering "Are they right?" Well since I am getting the same answers that means either I am going about it wrong, or they are right. Because they seem silly I wasn't sure if I wanted to share them. I decided that I do.

Reading The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. Now I know this one is silly, but it's a turning point for me. After reading it I began looking into Pagan beliefs. I looked seriously and found that I wanted to study it more. It sparked an interest for me to grow. Look where it has led me- I am walking down my path at an early age. Who says curiosity killed the cat?

Reading The Cat Who... series by Lillian Jackson Braun. These books sparked my interest in journalism. Even though I do not want to be a journalist anymore, if I had not been interested in it I may not have taken so many English classes. If I had not taken them I would not have improved my writing skills as much as I have.

Watching the TV show Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives. This is a Food Network show hosted by Guy Fieri. Watching this made me realize that I want to own a restaurant. It's important because this is now what I plan to do with my life.

Being in 4H for most of my life. I wasn't sure if I should put this. It seems kind of silly to me that this is a turning point because there was never any doubt that I would be in 4H and show cows. It's a family thing. One of my uncles is part owner in a farm and I spent a lot of my childhood there. So it never was a specific point, it's just a part of my life. I am still an active member of 4H. I put it because it has changed my life though.

Watching one of my uncles beat his dog. I wish I could forget this horrible experience. It is still hard to think about even though it happened probably ten years ago. Seeing that happen made me realize how much I care about animals, and that I can hate a person. He is the one person I know who I can honestly say I hate. He has done so many other horrible things as well, that combined really make me just hate him. I never thought I could hate a person. Whenever I think about this I can't help but cry, and then my mind goes back to trying to repress the memory. Seeing as water week is about emotions I'm sure I will be forced to think about this again.

Soul Coaching

When I first began to write about this I did not like this idea of a "purpose in life." I feel that the purpose in everyone's lives is to live our life and change other people's along the way by doing so. Trying to figure out your purpose in life seemed contradictory to today's affirmation, "Who I am is enough." The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that that is not true. It isn't like a purpose in life has to be a do all, end all. It isn't always a "I need to do this and then my life is complete" deal. That is why I am going to say this.

The purpose of my life is to live and learn.

There are still many things I want to do with my life. It isn't like I have no goals. I want to go to college, travel the world, own a restaurant, own a farm, own a home. None of those could be called a purpose in life though. Not for me at least.

Denise said that today we should try to listen for messages from the universe. I believe this is a very valuable lesson. We should always be listening. Especially if we ask the questions. That is why I was amazed when I found this poem. It seemed too coincidental. (I don't believe in coincidences anyway.)

Goddess, Are You Real?

Author Unknown

The little child whispered,

"Goddess, speak to me"

And a meadowlark sang.

But the child did not hear.

So the child yelled,

"Goddess, speak to me!"

And the thunder rolled across the sky

But the child did not listen.

The child looked around and said,

"God, let me see you."

And a star shone brightly

But the child did not notice.

And the child shouted,

"Goddess, show me a miracle!"

And a life was born

But the child did not know.

So the child cried out in despair,

"Touch me God, and let me know you are there!"

Whereupon the God reached down

And touched the child.

But the child brushed the butterfly away

And walked away unknowingly.

Updates & a Poem

First I want to thank Nydia. I won the cat keyring she was giving away! If you haven't looked at her etsy shop yet, then please do! Everything there is amazing.

Next thing is, first quarter report cards came in the mail yesterday. I was so relieved when I saw my grades! I only have five classes, but they really keep me busy! I am going to have to continue to work hard to keep my grades up. The hardest class is French 4. Luckily I have a French friend who can help, lol. I am glad Emeline is so willing to help me.

World History 1: A+
Business Law: A
Advanced Placement English: A+
French 4: A-
Mythology: A+

I've been reading some W.B. Yeats poems lately. Here is his poem The Cat and the Moon. Hope you like it!

THE cat went here and there
And the moon spun round like a top,
And the nearest kin of the moon,
The creeping cat, looked up.
Black Minnaloushe stared at the moon,
For, wander and wail as he would,
The pure cold light in the sky
Troubled his animal blood.
Minnaloushe runs in the grass
Lifting his delicate feet.
Do you dance, Minnaloushe, do you dance?
When two close kindred meet,
What better than call a dance?
Maybe the moon may learn,
Tired of that courtly fashion,
A new dance turn.
Minnaloushe creeps through the grass
From moonlit place to place,
The sacred moon overhead
Has taken a new phase.
Does Minnaloushe know that his pupils
Will pass from change to change,
And that from round to crescent,
From crescent to round they range?
Minnaloushe creeps through the grass
Alone, important and wise,
And lifts to the changing moon
His changing eyes.

Soul Coaching Day 6- late

I know it's late. The people I babysit for decided they needed me an hour earlier than expected. This was just as I went to post how the day went. By the time they came to pick him up I was so tired all I could think about was meditating and bed. Here it is though!

I tried to tell myself the affirmation when my dad took me to practice driving in Keene. When I really needed to remember it though, I couldn't. I was scared by the traffic and upset by my dad. He really isn't the most helpful person. I think I need to find someone new to practice driving with.

The first thing I did in the morning was clean out old computer files. It felt good to have those organized, especially since I spend so much time on my computer. It is necessary for my school work and my blog. I need it to last me well into college, so I have to take care of it.

I cleaned my entire bedroom of clutter! Every drawer, all the shelves, even under my bed and in my hope chest. The hope chest was the hardest to clean out. That was where the real clutter was. It was mostly papers, birthday cards, and letters. I even had things from over five years ago. I did it and my room feels wonderful now.

I made time to sit down and read. I read the first two chapters in one of my books. I was so glad to get the chance to do that. Hopefully I will get to read a little bit more this morning before I have to babysit again.

Soul Coaching Day 5

Last night I had my doubts that this was working. I did not feel the usual total relaxation after meditating last night and I was left with a confused feeling. That is why I was so surprised at what I told myself this morning. After putting my hair into my ponytail I looked at myself in the mirror and said "I am a beautiful, confident, and happy person." I don't know where it came from. It was the first time I had ever said that to myself, but in that moment I believed it. It felt so good. I must be doing something right.

Today was about the energy I get from certain objects in my room. Looking around I notice certain things that I guess could be called 'energy down items'. These are the things that I plan to remove from my room when I go through and clean it tomorrow or Saturday. It's coming just in time, my room is already a mess again. I look forward to this big clean. It should be a fun, relaxing activity. Very different from the other things I need to do this weekend like my homework, scholarship applications, and driving.

Award and Other Things!

Aelwyn tagged me and gave me this wonderful award.

I need to post 6 random things about myself and then pass the award on. Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person or persons who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Here are the 6 random things about me:

1- I like country music. If you listen to the random mixwit tapes I put up you may have noticed this. It's the music I grew up listening to, and it makes me comfortable.

2- I think pirates are wicked awesome. I dressed up as a pirate for Halloween for a reason. I am fascinated by them. The romanticized ones of course. You can't really idolize someone who robs and kills people.

3- I am a good student. I enjoy school, because learning things comes easily to me. I don't know why. It's very helpful though.

4- I am a klutz. I trip walking up the stairs. I trip walking on even ground. It's just how my feet work.

5- I have a bad memory. I don't remember a majority of my childhood. I forget things all the time. It's not a good quality.

6- I am afraid of needles. Not that random. A lot of people don't like needles. I cry when I get shots, and I chickened out of donating blood today. Maybe I'll go next month.

Thank you Aelwyn! I am only able to pass this on to 3 people. But I will pass this on to-

Nydia at Bringing up Salamanders

Angela at Inner Musings Of An Eclectic Pagan

Suzie at Suzie's Sacred Space

Next up is this unbelievably touching blog post. I had never even heard of prop. 8 before reading it. Go there and become informed!

Nydia has started her own Etsy Shop! Go here to learn more about that and her giveaway!

I have been so busy with Soul Coaching that I haven't really done any other kind of post. This weekend I will try to post something else. Maybe some poetry or a mixwit tape. =)