Week Off

I'm home for a week! Well, I'm at my parent's house for a week. It just doesn't feel like home. Sadly enough, my dorm does now. That could change. A good chunk of my friends all left for internship. I still have a few friends there luckily. I have to make new ones when the new group comes in... Of course by this time I'll be working at Sugarsnap, and even more of my friends will have left for their internships. It makes me want to cry, the thought of being up there with no friends. My friends pulled me through so much. And if my parent's house isn't home, and if the people who made college home are gone- then what is home? I just don't know anymore.

I came here to escape from drama for a week. That's all school has been for a while now, drama. Unfortunately I forgot that my family has just as much drama. I already can't wait to go back to Montpelier. At least there it's my own drama I'm dealing with and not everyone else's.

I obviously have a huge resistance to change. I always get panicky when a major change is coming. I don't deal with it as well as I could or should. I know I need to learn to accept change, I just don't know how. I get comfortable and I like where I am. Then everything gets turned upside down.

I think that's it for the insightful, thoughtful, meaningful whining. I feel like starting my day soon. I could use a shower, a cute outfit, and of course breakfast. So here is a list of yays and nays going on in my life.

YAY!
Cats cuddling with me while I'm home
Big bed to sleep in
Care packages from friends
Family that loves me
Seeing friends I haven't seen in a while
Music
Warm days

NAY!
Money problems
Budgeting
Boy problems- still
Annoying family drama
A messy bedroom
Panicky feeling in my gut
Songs that make me sad but I listen to anyway

Just to make this into a sandwich of good, bad, good- have you guys seen this video? It is SO cute!

Pieces are Falling into Place

YES! On Thursday I got an email from the place I interviewed at last week for a possible internship. I got it! I will be working at Sugarsnap starting in June. I am so excited! It's exactly what I want. This is like a huge pressure off my shoulders! I even know what I'm doing for housing. It's not ideal, but I'll be staying in the dorms.

I have been busy the last few weeks. I've got a few of my big projects turned in now. Only another two weeks of school! Well, at least until October when I continue into BA program. I can't believe how many of my friends are leaving at the end of the month, I am going to miss them all so much.

I have been doing more than just schoolwork, though. I've been getting community service hours done. Picking up cigarette butts is gross. But so worth not having to pay a bigger fine and not having a mark on my record. I have been hanging out a lot too. Swimming when it decided to be nice out. We had 80 degree days! Then we got more snow. New England weather....

I'm recovering from a nasty cold. I didn't get sick all winter. Why'd I have to get sick now? Ugh. At least I'm getting better. I am actually attending my friends' pig roast today. Can you say YUM? I'll be DDing for it. Whoo hoo babysitting drunk people! I have to say it is very entertaining.

Any way, just a random update on my life. Which I am loving every minute of. I hope everyone is doing well.

Excited Over Compost

So, for my Capstone Project I emailed the composting company my school uses (Vermont Compost Company) asking them what kind of compostable products they accepted. I asked specifically about biodegradable take-out containers and compostable kitchen gloves. The email I got back shocked me.

Hi Tori

We do not currently accept "compostable" products but we know there are new things coming out all the time and we realize that we need to start re-considering some of the options. Could you get samples for us and info about the suppliers?

Thanks!

Jennifer

I think I even squealed when I read that email! I am so excited that I have the chance to help this big company possibly change their policies and accept man-made compostable products in their bins.

I was telling my parents about this and my mom says they might consider beginning to compost. It took me forever to get them to recycle, so that would be a big step. I just need to gather info about the benefits of composting, why it's so important, and how to do it. (I'm supposed to do this for my project anyway) Once I get this info I can share it with more than just my family. I can share it with schools, restaurants, and anyone else who will listen.

I am truly more excited about all this than I am about the beautiful 70 degree day being predicted, that I can wear a skirt, and that I'm hanging out with a bunch of friends today. This weekend is going to be so awesome.

Change

It's good, right? I certainly hope so because just about all that's been happening lately is changes.

I am busier than ever now! I have five projects I'm working on (one of those is finding my internship...) on top of weekly homework assignments.

There are only SIX WEEKS of school left. This is terrifying for multiple reasons. One being that I don't have an internship yet. Another being that it means saying goodbye to a lot of friends. And finally that means I only have six weeks to complete my capstone project.

Did I tell you about my capstone project? I'm trying to make NECI a greener school. I'm doing a ton of research about compostable gloves and biodegradable trash bags. I get a headache just thinking about all the research, emails, and phone calls involved in this.

I am planning the next appreciation dinner for the students who are leaving. Well I'm in charge of the front of house aspect of it! They have other people taking care of the food part of it, I'll be consulting with them.

I am planning something for Green Up Day on May 1st. Is this something that only takes place in Vermont? Anyway I'm excited about that.

Did I mention that my fines from getting in trouble for drinking are now officially all paid off? I've been working. Yay money! I still have community service hours, but that shouldn't be too hard.

I have a new roommate. It's my awesome friend Lexie, so I'm really happy about it.

As of last night I have a date on Sunday. I am wicked nervous about it. Did you know I've never been on a date? Seriously. I'm going to the movies with a nice guy, though. As nervous as I am I'm also excited.

One thing that hasn't changed is I still have a great group of friends who I hang out with whenever I'm not (or they're not) doing mass quantities of homework. I love having a social life.

More Love

Angela at The Pagan Mom Blog has gifted me this sweet blog award. Thanks! I needed something to blog about. =]

These are the rules of the award

1.Thank the person who gave you this award.
2.Share 7 things about yourself.
3.Pass the award along to 4 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4.Contact the bloggers you’ve picked and let them know about the award.

My 7 Things

1. I am forever the optimist. It takes a lot to get me down usually. The little episode where I was sad for a couple weeks really scared me. I'm glad that it's over, thanks to my AMAZING friends showing me that I'm loved.
2. People are very important to me. I didn't realize this until I came to school. I never thought of myself as absolutely needing to be around others who I know care about me, but it is something I need. I'm not sure how I feel about this.
3. I enjoy pushing myself to go farther than I think I can. I want to know that I can do things. I get very down on myself when I mess something up.
4. There are times when I have no control over my emotions. My emotions scare me, and I don't share the negative ones very often. When I lose control over them I don't know who I am.
5. I am a 5-year-old at heart. I have a jump rope, sidewalk chalk, and balloons.
6. I have punch ball balloons that I punch when I get angry or frustrated. It really works!
7. I have big plans for my future. Since coming to school I constantly worry that there is more expected from me than I want to do, though. If I think about the future too much I get really scared and freak out.

Due to my being so absent as of late I'm not really sure who to pass this on to. If you're reading then please take it and share something about yourself with me! Tell me in a comment if you take it so I can make sure to read your post.

I Love My Friends

I have the greatest friends in the whole world. They know I've been kind of down lately, so guess what they did for me?





I'm not sad anymore, and I don't think I could possibly feel sad at all the rest of my time here at school with friends like this.

Hola!

Don't ask why I put the title in Spanish. I don't really know. I'm still a little sleepy... It's before 7AM. I went to bed wicked early last night because I was tired. I convinced myself I'd wake up early and write the paper I have due in.... 6 hours. I will write it, I just don't know what I was thinking saying I'd write it before breakfast! I might be an early to bed, early to rise kind of person- but nothing gets done before breakfast.

I'm actually doing a presentation for one of my classes about the importance of eating breakfast. Yay research! And yay because I was telling my nutrition teacher about the project and she said we'd figure out a way for me to turn it in for her class also. Think I'm gonna turn down extra credit? Heck no!

I realize now that my blog is not anything pagan related what-so-ever anymore. I won't lie, that's because there isn't much pagan related going on in my life. It's more of a "Hey, yeah.... hi. I kind of forgot you existed for a while." thing at the moment. The sad part is I don't know how I can work it more into my life. It's tough to find a free moment.

Wednesday was a bad day. I found out I have to go to deposition for that thing that happened way back in December 2008. It ruined my day to think about that. The state of VT is pretty sure they have a solid case against him, though. Apparently he did this at multiple other stores. I don't want to deal with this. That's the only thing I wanted, to be left alone.

I'm going home for the first time in weeks tonight. My cousin and I are going to see Alice in Wonderland! Then tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment. My doctor is concerned that I might be anemic so she wants to draw blood. I'm more than a little freaked out. I am going to need someone (most likely my cousin) to sit on me so I don't get up and run away. Tori + needles = not good. I'm almost okay with getting injections (almost). A tattoo needle doesn't go that deep (plus you get a kick-ass tattoo out if it). But drawing blood? No way. Nuh-uh. I have been avoiding donating blood for years because of this fear. Maybe after this (you know, if I'm not anemic) I'll be okay enough to donate blood. I've wanted to, but I'm a big chicken.

Now that I've written all this I'm tired again. I slept horribly last night. I went to bed thinking about something upsetting, then had dreams all night about hitting someone I dislike in the face. Apparently I'm more violent in my dreams than in real life, because I swear I wouldn't actually hit them.

Updates: RTT Style

I decided to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts.



I'm in my nutrition class right now. Not only have I been on my computer the whole time, but I have been answering 50% of the questions the teacher asks. I feel really good about my multi-tasking ability.

As part of our nutrition class we are keeping track of everything we eat. Eye opening? Definitely. Useful? Kind of. I'm working more fruits and vegetables into my diet now, but I don't have a lot of control over what I eat usually. I eat whatever they serve at the cafeteria.

I'm hooked on this website My Life is Average. It's funny and makes me happy. Go there!

I have an appointment with a substance abuse counsellor on Thursday. It's going to cost me $110. This little fuck up is costing me a lot of money. State of Vermont, you have your wish I've realized drinking underage is not worth it. Happy?

We just started cooking on the line yesterday. Every Monday we will be cooking lunch for The Grill. We were all so scared, but it turns out it was pretty easy. And fun! I'm looking forward to next Monday. The only thing is by 7:00 last night I felt like I was gonna die. Being in the kitchen is a lot more physically exhausting that being in a classroom learning the mental side of the restaurant industry.

I fell asleep last night talking to myself. I was doing Suzie's New Moon Cleansing. She said we had to talk, so I was talking. I woke up feeling better, both physically and spiritually. I'm trying to bring the spiritual back into my life. I guess it's a good thing I realized Ostara is on Saturday. I'll figure out how to celebrate.

Speaking of Ostara and spring- it's wicked nice here! I'm starting to think maybe we won't get hit with one more big snow storm before the end of March. I can only hope the warm is here to stay.

I have a nice group of friends here. Every night we usually watch a movie or play outside. Sometimes both. Tonight we're thinking playing outside so we can enjoy the nice weather. I'm loving college. <3

Reconnecting

Today I realized just how disconnected I've become. Suzie posted about the new moon coming up on Monday. Really? I had no clue what phase the moon was in. I haven't since November. I even missed the New Year's Eve Blue Moon! I can't believe I've let myself forget all this. Life got in the way. I've been dealing with a lot of emotional baggage, and on Monday I plan to let it all go.

I am determined to bring the cycles and phases back into my life. Even if I can't do anything, just observing them is important.

So, blog buddies, I am asking you please wish me luck with clearing myself of the emotional baggage that has been keeping me down. Wish me luck with bringing my spirituality back into my life. I can get hugs and encouraging words from my friends here at school, but I still haven't found someone with whom I can talk about the cycles and seasons. I don't want to lose it.

Hey all! I'm alive... honest! I've just been busy. And I'm only going to get busier. I've got three major events for a class coming up over the next two weeks. Tomorrow we are judging the Vermont State Skills USA for table service. On the 14th we get to visit the Boston Food Show. And we have another event on the 18th, in-town luckily. We're going to have a lot of off-site catering events this mod. It's exciting, but so time consuming! I am also working now in the NECI snack shack. Nothing too glamorous. I may also start working in the cafeteria. I need money, so I don't really have a choice.

I paid off my $125 fine with the school for drinking on campus. I still have to pay $175 to the state. And I have to pay to take substance abuse counseling. Plus I have 16 hours of community service. I swear if I never drink underage again the sole purpose of that would be so I don't have to put up with all this bullshit again. My case manager told me to check with my health insurance to see if maybe they cover substance abuse counseling. Great idea, right? So I checked... Of course they don't! =/

Even though I have all those things to pay for I had to buy a new laptop for school. I bought it using scholarship money. I love it! I am relieved to have a working laptop.

Sorry for such a long absence. I'm doing fine. Sorry for the short check-in.

PS- IT FEELS LIKE SPRING! =] I wonder how long it will last? It's saying high 30's - low 40's for the next week and a half. How awesome is that? I'm sorry to anyone still struggling through harsh winter weather.